Leaving Hogwarts
by PrettyLittleDiary
Summary: The marauders, Lily Evans and friends were in their seventh year at Hogwarts. The last year together is the final chance for James to finally get Lily to go on a date with him after years of begging and Remus and Sirius were having almost constant lovers tiffs. How will this turn out for the marauders?
1. Chapter 1

It was the summer after my sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and I was still ever so amazed I had even attended. I was a muggle born you see and it wasn't till the age of nine I even found out about the secret magic world and it was then another two years before I attended the legendary school. I only came to find out about the wizard community before I received my letter as a young wizard named Severus Snape lived a few streets away from me and he had watched my older sister Tuney and I play in the local park and he saw me doing magic. Of course I had no idea that it was magic making a flower in my hand out of nowhere but I thought it was amazing. It did take me a while to believe Severus was not simply teasing me as so many young boys enjoy doing but two years later I did receive my Hogwarts acceptance letter and I don't think I could have been happier! Neither could my parents after they had been told by my headmaster Dumbledore exactly what going to Hogwarts meant for a student but my sister Tuney was a lot less enthusiastic. Petunia is three years older than me and I only still call her Tuney out of habit as the last time I really spent time with her it was before I knew what I was and since then she's called me a freak and has been the full extent of our conversations. It's sad and I miss Tuney deeply but after all the years of making effort with nothing in return I finally gave up when she moved in with the fat lump of a boyfriend last month and then married him.

It has been a pretty traumatic few months for me my seriously ill dad has just passed with cancer, it had been a long time coming but its broken my heart utterly I can't understand that I'll never hear his voice again. It was barely a week after Petunia had married her boyfriend Vernon so she was lucky enough to have our dad walk her down the aisle, not that I have any interest in getting married right now, seventeen was far too young and more to the point I don't even have a boyfriend! I've lived quite a lonely summer and I'm grateful in many respects as I spent so much time with my father as it was the last time I'll ever have with him. I spent the summer with my dad, my darling mother, Tuney and Vernon for company and I can honestly say it's not exactly been a thrilling holiday. I can honestly say I thought my first summer being of age in the wizard world would be full of magic and high jinks with my friends but I was wrong as at my parents' home with my magic hating sister and her now husband who didn't know I was a witch, so it's safe to say magic has been kept to a zero.

I was lying in bed next to my mother I had been trying to spend time with her since everything as Petunia was not interested now she could finally move in with Vernon. I would stay up late at night talking to her about the best memories of my dear dad. Including when Tuney started her boarding school and dad would take me for walks and let me talk to him about everything without judgment it was just perfect and we'd always end up in the park together eating ice cream and it was some of the best times in my life. My second favourite memory was with my mother too it was when I first received my letter from Hogwarts and how excited they were for me. I couldn't comprehend how happy they were for me to enter a world that they knew nothing about, sure Snape and I had spoken to them about the wizarding would but this made it real. My dad's exact words were "isn't it brilliant, we have a witch in the family!" and they'd always stuck with me through my six years of education where I had suffered some prejudice for my blood status but their support made this problem void.

Of course I had other issues in the wizarding world, they had not become personal problems but everyone was currently rather scared. A dark wizard by the name of Voldermort, or he who must not be named as everyone knew him as, was gaining power with many Slytherin wizards few of which were now his followers, his Death Eaters. Voldermort's main problem was the mudbloods, mudbloods like me. I honestly couldn't care what Voldermort thought but I did care that my old best friend Snape in my fifth year had called me a mudblood as it's a very disgusting term for muggle born's and I just couldn't forgive him. He made it impossible to forgive him as I am now almost a hundred per cent sure he is one of the Death Eaters as news travels fast at Hogwarts. The pupils have left the school but the rumours had started towards the end of my second year as Malfoy had accidently called himself and Bellatrix Black death eaters during an almost duel with the marauders. This nickname had stuck and it seemed to be an issue many took seriously including our amazing head teacher Dumbledore and head of Gryffindor McGonagall.

But as I was saying I'm scared in the muggle world as there had been strange disappearances in the muggle world to. I feared so badly for my mother as I'm sure they'd love to kidnap a mother of a muddblood so all I could do was keep myself prepared with defensive spells and spend as much time at home as possible. Though today I was meeting my oldest male friend Remus Lupin in Hogsmead, it had been such a long time since I'd gone to the wizard world or seen a friend, I was so excited. It always makes me sad when I refer to Remus as my oldest male friend, not because he's my friend but, because Snape should be my oldest male friend not Remus. I whispered goodbye to my mother who had barley stopped sleeping since my dad had passed and I pulled myself in to the bathroom. I hadn't looked in the mirror for days and I didn't realise quite how bad my bloodshot eyes were until I saw an almost unrecognisable face in the mirror. I'd rung Petunia asked her to check on mum while I was out but I doubted she would so my trip to see Remus would be a quick one but I still wanted to look presentable. I put my robes on for the first time in well over a month and recast some spells on all the doors and windows and apperated in my hallway.


	2. Chapter 2

God I hated apparition the felling always made me feel so sick as I felt as if my belly button was being pulled through my belly but I opened my eyes slightly and saw the beautiful village of Hogsmead and I knew I'd arrived in the right place. I opened my eyes fully and headed toward the three broomsticks for a little pick me up after apparition, I don't usually drink but tonight I treated myself to a shot of fire whiskey and a butterbeer I found a quite table at the back of the pub and waited for Remus. I may of lived in the wizard world for six years I still loved being around wizard's as I sat and peopled watched as they were wearing different types of robes and talking in different tongues. I love my robes, I never thought I would, but they just made me feel part of the wizard. I looked at my gold watch I'd received for my seventeenth birthday as a traditional present in wizard families and realised I was still five minutes early still I sighed and sipped my butterbeer. I really hoped there wasn't any chance of running in to Remus' friends James, Sirius and Peter our fellow Gryffindor's as I only recently could spend time in a room with them without wanting to scream and now was not the time to push my patience.

As I finished my first butterbeer I looked up at the door and saw no other than Remus Lupin. He had grown in the short time since I'd seen him last but he didn't look lanky as he pushed his long for a boy dirty blonde hair out of his face I realised he was good looking even with the scars on his face. I waved at Remus and thought to myself that I bet girls who don't know the truth even saw those scars as appealing, poor Remus.

"Remus" I said and stood to hug him tightly I saw a witch about our age a few tables across giving me a look like she wanted to curse me. This was quite a usual experience for us as everyone had enjoyed refusing to us as a couple since first year even though our friendship couldn't be further from that.

"Lily, only you could look this good after everything" he said to me putting his hand to my chin forcing me to smile.

"Drinks?" I nodded and he went to the bar and returned with two butterbeers.

"I've missed you Lily" he said "what have I missed?"

I smiled I had missed him too he had been so patient over the summer and I was ever so grateful for that.

"Well you know everything with dad and stuff. Petunia's married now and moved out. Of course my mother's a bit of a mess but what did I expect" as that was literally all that could be said for my summer holidays.

"Yes Lily, but how are you?" Remus asked looking concerned as he knew I would put everything before my own feelings.

"Know me to well don't you Remus? I'm getting used to it I've been able to grieve with my mother as she enjoys talking about him until silly hours of the morning and that's what I need to. Petunia, well Petunia is making me beyond angry, she hasn't even called!" I exclaimed as Remus just nodded I honestly hadn't realized how annoyed I was at Petunia till that second "she can hate me, I don't care what so ever! But our mum! Our mum is suffering yes its not perfect as old Petunia demands but mum has been so good to her! They put her through the best school they could and supported every decision she's ever made and then this is how she repays them she is a snooty cow! Well I say cow she looks like a horse with that face of hers!" I was breathing heavily as Remus pulled me in to a hug.

"Lily, you're the best daughter your parents could ask for I hope you know that. I know I didn't meet them many times but merlin their love for you literally radiated off them" as he held me I whimpered slightly.

"Remus John Lupin, where would I be without you eh?" I said with a grin and pulled myself to my butterbeer before I cried which I would hate to do in a public.

"Come on Remus, what's new with you?" I asked glad to hear more from the outside world.

"You know me and Bethan Abbot the Ravenclaw had been dating since Easter? Well we broke up last week. She knows I'm lying to her and I just couldn't tell her the truth. I'm pretty sure she thinks I have a secret girlfriend not that I'm a...a..." a werewolf was obviously what he couldn't say so I nodded.

"Remus, if you really loved her you'd know you could be honest about your identity, maybe it's for the best" I said kindly.

"I know you're right, relationships never feel right for me anyway and this was better than usual but not quite right. Maybe I'm destined to be single" he shrugged as if that answered the matter. Personally I thought Remus was going after the wrong people and by wrong people I meant wrong sex and on in particular that clearly had a mutual unsaid crush was Remus' best friend Sirius Black.

"What about that potion you were telling me about at the end of the year? Has there been any more development?" I asked referring to a potion we had read about in potions weekly that would let Remus have his own mind while he transformed making him as caring as he usual.

"Nope, it didn't work it's all so experimental at the moment" he said "having the company of the marauders has been as good a development as I could ask for though, so I can't complain." During our fifth year after three years of trying and keeping it secret from me James, Sirius and Peter had managed to become animagus. As werewolves only hurt people this meant they could keep him company while he was a werewolf, I honestly couldn't comprehend the magic they had managed but I was more annoyed at the fact they never became registered animagus which made them illegal.

"Have you seen much of your fellow marauders?"

"I doubt you've heard but Sirius is officially living with James now, his family have actually disowned him" he said with clear worry for his best friend Sirius. Sirius you see was from a pure blood family who hated him long before he got in to Gryffindor and his friendship with mudbloods and blood traitors like the Potters and I had pushed them further and further apart. Last summer Sirius had taken all his things to the Potter's but he had not been whipped off the family tree I guess he had been. I'm glad Sirius had the Potter's it meant he had somewhere to stay as he may be a jerk but I didn't hate him as much as I thought I did, Remus is the only guy I know who isn't an immature idiot.

"Bellatrix and Rodolfo Lestrange got married just after we finished school and Sirius was invited and obviously he declined. You know how much cousin Bellatrix detested Sirius and you can't say it wasn't mutual but for some reason his mother expected him to come and when he declined she sent him a howler and that was basically it. After that though he got another invite to Malfoy's and Narcissa Black's engagement and of course he, uh, politely declined again and that's the last he's heard and that was over a month ago. The worst part is little Regulus has been ignoring his brother and he's hardly got good role models, has he? He's at a very impressionable time" Remus sounded worried and he had a point as Sirius' only relative he truly loved was his brother and all he wanted was to pull him out of the Slytherin route but if he was ignoring him, what more could he do.

"Wow, none of us have perfect families. Apart from Potter, maybe" I said "mind they are probably considered one of the biggest blood traitors. They're not going to get it easy with you-know-who and his clan are they?"

"I can't believe how long this has been going on and why it took so long for someone to notice" he sighed rather scared. He did have a point we'd overheard a conversation with Dumbledore and McGonagall explaining that Dumbledore had noticed unusual things happening for years including disappearances and murders. It was terrifying but Dumbledore had no way of proving it not until Voldermort came in to the open anyway.

"How is Potter anyway?" I asked.

"Ah, Potter is lusting after you worse than ever. Don't want him to hear you asked about him now do you?" Remus looked truly happy to be teasing me again. James had a crush on me since the first day we met on the train to Hogwarts six years ago and he had been a complete waste of space up until the last year or so and he had started to grow on me. He had stopped cursing people at random and had become nicer to everyone in general which was a surprising development, but at the end of the day he still drove me as crazy as a holey caldron. "No James is good. He's spent a lot of time with Sirius and I, he's been fun. However, he seems convinced we'll need to fight soon so he's learning as many spells as he can, he wants to be ready if you-know-who ever comes knocking."

It was weird to hear about James in such a light and he didn't even seem paranoid in my opinion without a doubt something was going to happen soon it's just the same as me feeling I should put defensive charms around my house. Maybe James is growing up slightly if he's already preparing himself for the worst and by the worst I mean the more than probable future.

"I get it; I've been putting charms on my house. They'd purely want to kill me, I know, but I'd never turn dark no matter what happened" I said rather determinedly.

"I'm in a similar position, they'd probably want to kill me rather than recruit me but that doesn't matter. They could beg and I'd say no" Remus replied with a similar determination as if it was the most simple decision and it was.

"What about Peter?" I asked about the remaining marauder.

"Peter's Peter, he's following the guys around constantly and I think that they're starting to lose their patience with him. He's a great guy but he doesn't have any of his own opinions" Remus told me, he did have good reasoning behind the statement and I honestly missed Peter least out of all my Gryffindor friends.

"And Ruby?" I asked after my muggle born dorm mate.

"Of course you haven't heard. Ruby and Sirius broke up. I actually thought he had it right this time" he said rolling his eyes at Sirius notorious behaviour.

"Well, anything else?" I asked as I passed over the good looking Sirius' love life.

"We've been in contact a little, she's worried about you but she understands why you haven't written of course. She's thinking about not returning to Hogwarts even with all her O's in her OWLS. She's so worried for her family" Remus told me

"She can't leave!" I protested about probably my best friend in my dormitory but I understood yet again.

"What about Emma, Scarlet, Celine?" I asked after my other three dorm mates.

"They are good I mean Scarlet is a half blood and the others are pure bloods they don't have as much reason to be scared of what will happen to their family do they? I've been in very little contact with them" he was like me Ruby was his favourite Gryffindor girl, apart from myself of course. She was a lot more like us a very hard worker but she did love her pranks. Her love for pranks and her beautiful blonde hair and Irish accent made her popular with everyone and it wasn't hard to see how she and Sirius had ended up dating on and off for the last year as they were two of the best looking people in our year at Hogwarts.

"However much I hated the apparition here, I'm so glad to see you Remus, I don't think I realised how much I missed you all" I said as I noticed it was getting dark outside.

"Tell me about it, I don't enjoy broomsticks either" he said "So are you going to tell me what really happened with Diggory last year?"

Amos Diggory had now left Hogwarts but he was a gorgeous Huffelpuff a year older than us he was not only a quidditch player but he was head boy to. He really had it all and during my fifth year when I'd been made prefect and he was still just a prefect he'd started to pay attention to little old me I couldn't have been happier. We started dating for the most of last year but he was rather insensitive to say the least as he was jealous of my friendship with Remus and his fellow marauders and found my distraction of wanting to go home and see my dad as if I didn't care about my grades. Amos just wanted the best he pushed it rather continuously and at the end of the day we just wouldn't work together but he had been my first boyfriend and I was glad I could say it wasn't some ugly little first year. I shrugged he knew all of this but Remus wanted to be nosey.

"We just didn't work together, I'm a hard worker but he's a little too demanding" I couldn't say I was upset with the matter I was to start sure, but not now.

"You do know James would melt if he heard you say those words? He always hated Diggory in qudditch and when he started dating you I'm surprised he made it out alive" Remus grinned at me. He was right Amos and my dates led to James letting off hexes at him randomly in the corridor but as he was head boy luckily this seemed to stop him to some extent.

"it's not my fault he made it so clear he only wanted me that no girl would be interested in him, loads of people think he's good looking" and yes those loads of people included me even with that stupid messed up hair of his.

"Oh do they now?" Remus winked at me.

"Come on then Remus, who've you got your eye on" wanting him to confess his feelings for Sirius.

"Well me and Beth only just broke up, a little too early to be looking Lily" he answered.

"Hmm well Remus you should know by now, wind me up and you'll get the same back" I said laughing at him."I love Hogsmead, don't you?"

"Mmm I still remember the first time I had a butterbeer" he said reminiscently.

"After you got pulled in to the marauders bad influence" I grinned at him after finding out about all the secret passages in the school and the marauders map.

"Who would have guessed it eh?" he said at me grinning. I looked at my watch and saw it was ten o'clock, which seemed impossible.

"Remus, I best get back I don't think my mum will feed herself without me" I said with a quick crash back to my current reality.

"Don't fall out of touch this time Lily" he said seriously "I'll see you soon but owl me okay?"

"I promise Moony" calling him his famous nickname I grinned at him as I rarely called him that. We had a quick hug and apparated home. I was in my hallway again and I ran to check on my mother all alone.


	3. Chapter 3

I walked through the house to my mother's room to find her where I left her.

"Mum, I brought you a butterbeer" I said as I entered the room and pulled out two butterbeers "Remus sends his love" I sat down next to her "would you like something to eat mum?" She sipped the butterbeer as we sat together in silence I was just glad to be with her.

"I always liked Remus, you should have him over soon. Thanks for the butterbeers darling."

"He really liked you too mum" he wasn't coming over any time soon his transformation was in two days time "would you like something to eat?" She nodded.

"Shall we have a takeout darling?" she said and for the fourth time that week I ordered us a Chinese and we sat in the bed she couldn't bring herself to leave with our food together. It was impossible watching my mother like this and it was slowly breaking my heart as much as my dad's passing did. It was as if all life had been pulled out of her if I didn't know that dementor's weren't allowed in our world I would have sworn that she was constantly in their presence. She's stopped even wanting to talk to me as she lay there staring unseeingly at the ceiling. She only had Petunia and I left, no family, no real friends I was starting to doubt whether I should return to Hogwarts and leave my mother alone.

As I saw her finally fall asleep I cleared up the mess left from our take out and sat on our kitchen table and cried. Rather hysterically and embarrassingly I cried I couldn't even catch my breath as I cried louder and louder in to my hands. I thought seeing Remus would make everything better but here I am crying like every other night thinking of everything that has ever gone wrong in my life. My family was falling apart around my ears I knew I couldn't return to Hogwarts without some drastic change and Petunia wasn't even talking to me and this included issues over our mother. There were puddles of tears in my hands when I grabbed a big bar of chocolate from the fridge and stuffed my face like I had been every night. The difference tonight was I wasn't going to stay here and get even lonelier I was going to write to Ruby.

I pulled out my parchment and quill and paused, what to say to someone you've had next to no contact with for the last month or so?

_Hey Ruby, _

_I'm missing you so much more than I think you realise. Remus told me things at home aren't too good for you either if you want to talk please pop over. Mum always loved you!_

_Love always, Lily._

If Remus hadn't been preparing for his transformation I would invited everyone out somewhere for the day but I don't think I could stand time with the marauders without the almost voice of reason. I never thought I'd have kind-of-miss-you feelings for Potter and Black however crazy the pair drove me. I attached the letter to my snowy owl Romie and let her out my window as it was the first job she had for a while I could see her pleasure as she flew through the black night.

And here I was alone once again I spent my time cleaning which is something I'd never thought I'd find myself doing to pass the time. Then I pulled out one of my books about hexes and took a leaf out of Potter's books and read up on some hexes that could even save my life.

I woke up on the sofa at 10am according to my watch being pecked by Romie holding her reply from Ruby. How the hell did she manage to fly to Ireland and back? Merlin Romie's good. The parchment simply said:

_Lily, I'll visit today at about 4pm,if it's not okay I'll apparate straight back I just don't think Romie could handle another journey_. _I miss you Lilly._

_ Lots of love, Ruby._

Ruby was coming, Ruby was coming today! Oh merlin I looked as if I'd been hit by a bat bogey hex as I hadn't cleaned my face up since I cried hysterically last night. I went to shower it was lovely having a reason to get ready for the first time in a while. I thought I'd let my mother sleep a bit longer she didn't enjoy being up so it didn't seem right to disturb her so I cleaned the house thoroughly, not that the messy Ruby could care less. It was 1pm when I thought I best make mum with a full English breakfast in bed.

"Mum, it's time to get up. I made us breakfast" I sat down next to her as we ate from our plates she clearly wanted to be asleep.

"Do you remember Ruby mum? Ruby Button?" I asked not expecting a reply "my muggle born classmate? Well she's coming to visit later. Would you like to see her?" she sat without moving at my words.

"I, I don't want her to think less of me" mum said in a sob.

"Ruby loves you silly! Why don't you join us if you feel up to it yeah? She's not here till five; someone else's company may do you wonders. Ruby almost made you laugh as much as Sirius didn't she?" I said. She merely nodded and I stayed sat with her till four thirty.

"Mum I'm going to wait for Ruby downstairs, we'll be waiting if you want to chat mum" I got out of the bed and said "anything you need just shout" and walked down the stairs fighting back the tears of watching my mum deteriorate so severely without dad and petunia.


	4. Chapter 4

I sat on my couch flicking through TV channels and listened out for the distinctive pop of apparition. Then I heard it followed by a knock at the door I was beyond excited. I opened the door and I felt all of Ruby's weight on me as I stood there laughing already we hadn't said a word and she had cheered my up greatly already.

"Ruby! You're hair! What did you do!?" I played with her dark brown locks that made her eyes stand out more than ever.

She laughed "I was done looking like a bimbo! And I needed a change, break ups do that to you, you know?"

"I heard about you and Sirius, come on tell me all the details" as I pulled her in to my living room she smiled a toothy grin.

"Well, you know what he's like he can't stay still and we worked together to some extent but we are better as friends I think! And I know you're theory on why his relationships don't work and I want to thank you Lil for never saying it while I went through the are-we-forever-do-I-love-him-I-hate-him phrase those six months" by my theory of course she meant that he was stuck at the back of your closest like you're least favourite robe.

"I never wanted to be more wrong when I saw you to happy together, did you, yaknoww in the end" I winked at her as her confusion of if she was ready for sex with Sirius black had plagued are last month at school together. She didn't have to say a word when I saw the mischievous smile, she had

"We did, just after the holiday began when were still really happy. It was so painful but so amazing and I'm so grateful it was with Sirius he's a great guy but he's a guy who should be my friend but my boyfriend. At least I can say my first was with that gorgeous man, I think it may make many girls jealous not that my beautiful looks don't do that already" she flicked her hair behind her ear she did have point.

"So did you do it much before you broke up?" I tried to ask sensitively but I don't think there's really a nice way of saying did he fuck you and chuck you to use the muggle expression.

"We did a lot. My parents were away for a week at the beginning of the holidays and we barley put each other down and he just got better and better each time! I would go in to details but I think you'd punch me" she grinned at me "and we had a good month after that, would you believe I was Sirius' first to!? He's had so many girlfriends! Mind you probably would with your theory" she read my mind "before you ask Lil, we were careful, every time even though he was sex god!" I was laughing properly for the first time since I could remember Ruby could always do this to me. When we finally caught our breath and whipped the tears from our slightly make up stained face. "What about Amos, I bet he's a sex god!" I laughed again.

"Ruby Button, do you really think I went that far?" I was grinning at her.

"Your words say something and your grin says another, what's he like naked!?"I was literally rolling around laughing at this.

"Ruby! Stop! There had been no nakedness and there was no funny business. But god he is gorgeous" I added

"Come on Lily, I want the details of what happened"

"Well the thing is he was so interested in being the best in everything I became second best, I could deal with that but then he started wondering why I wasn't more like that. He wanted to know why my friends were before my grades and why I was so distracted by everything, everything...everything with my family" I struggled to end the sentence.

"So he's a good looking jerk? Must be the first one of those" she winked at me.

Things had started to get awkward again she clearly wanted to ask about my family. She wasn't sure how to bring it up and sadly that was painfully obvious.

"How've you been Lil?" she asked in a southing tone. Here we go.

"Everything with dad was terrible but I spent so much time with him this summer I'm grateful. I'm unbelievably jealous Petunia had him walk her down the aisle and not me bit I'm much more annoyed at Petunia for leaving and not returning to check on mum. I actually _asked_ her to while I met Remus yesterday and she didn't! She cannot speak to me ever again in my whole life and I'll be fine as long as she's there for mum. Mum's only got us and Petunia is too busy with her stupid new husband to notice" I'd said this in one breath and realised I still needed to keep going so I caught my breath and "and then there mum she's not leaving her room at first it was fine, helpful even when she wanted to speak about dad but now she's almost numb she has no idea what's happening and I know it's only a week but I'm scared that all of a sudden my family is in pieces" and with that I was on Ruby's shoulder crying. She held me closer to her and tried to calm me down by patting my back but she let me cry it out. "Rube, you should see her she looks like a dementor has sucked the life out of her" I sobbed even louder.

"Lily, she'll be fine it was her husband they were married five years before Petunia was born and they were dating longer, what did you expect? You know what is best for dementor stuff though? Chocolate, feed her chocolate surely they'll be similar?" she said being the comforting friend that she was.

"Ruby, I can't leave her. I think I might leave Hogwarts" and she completely understood in that second how bad things were as I would never give up Hogwarts unless I had to.

"Lily, you're mum will not _let_ you stay. She wouldn't allow you to return home when it was your dad ill, there is no chance now. Maybe talk about more visits home? Make out your homesick?" I nodded "it'll all work out beautiful, and you're both always welcome at the Button household" my lovely generous best friend.

"Sounds like you've given it some thought Rubes? Remus said you were considering staying home" I asked her face dropped.

"That guy _cannot_ keep a secret can he!? Yeah well you're a muggle born to, you know were one of the first targeted by these crazy dark wizards. What am I meant to do, I know they'll go after them" she paused and it was her turn to tear up "Little Luke has wanted to go to Hogwarts since I went and now he's got his letter. I should be over the moon, but I'm not! What if he starts Hogwarts and he who must not be named takes over and hurts him! How can I leave my parents without us, they need magic to be protected. I'm so confused Lily" and she sobbed.

I hugged her as she had hugged me and let her cry, I knew Ruby trusted me over the other girls and this is probably the most honest she could be. She sobbed louder and louder in to my arm and I wish I could tell her she was being stupid but couldn't I didn't know that she was, she was probably facing reality like I was with my charms and hexes.

"Ruby Anna Button, you have been the best big sister to Luke and he wants to go to Hogwarts to be like you! He's always wanted to be like you! And you know who you are? You're a strong woman who's sporty, a trouble maker and a genius all at once. Show him how strong you are maybe teach him some curses too I know he'll listen if you tell him it's important not to tell you're parent's" she grinned she could get that brother of hers to do anything she asked "Look I'm worried too my house is covered in defensive curses, I'd do the same. I'm actually reading up on hexes now Rube he's not that powerful please come back, we'll have each other" I held her in my arms again and we sobbed loudly on to each other.

It was probably another five minutes before we pulled ourselves together and now we were laughing uncontrollably. We sorted out our make-up smudged down our faces laughing at the mess we'd become. It was if we were back to normal Ruby had been patient with me more than any of my friends. I went to check on mum and she turned down any company and just asked for some food it was not the outcome I was hoping for but at least she was still eating. Tonight we ordered pizza Ruby and I shared some while I have some to my mum.

"So how's things with you and James?" she said with a grin. I rolled my eyes.

"Ruby, I haven't spoken to you do you really think I'd of spoken to him?"

"Oh whatever he was talking about you every time I visited the house to see Sirius, he's grown up lately and he's got hot!" she pulled a weird face and growled I was laughing so badly yet again.

"You date him then!" I retorted.

"I don't think he'll be as good as Sirius in the sack."

"RUBY! Don't speak like that" I said through gasps as I laughed so hard again.

"Tell me you don't think he's hot then?" she grinned at me, Ruby knew I'd thought he was hot for a while.

"Doesn't mean I fancy immature idiots does it?" I smiled at her.

"He's definitely grown up Lily, I promise you that" oh of course now my best friend wanted us together.

"I promised mum I'd be home for 11, you know coming of age is 18 for muggles I'm not quite an adult yet to them" Ruby explained. I pulled her in to a back breaking hug "Don't stop writing" she said threateningly "or you will get a howler" I made my promise and she apperated home.

I walked upstairs to see my mum I sat with her and told her all about my day, she looked so disinterested and when she'd fallen asleep I headed to the kitchen again. I sat at the table sobbing again apparently my own company was slowly driving me crazy; I couldn't be alone without having a breakdown. What was I going to do? Mum won't feed herself without me! I need Petunia to help I wish we had more friends here. I calmed myself down eventually and munched on the biggest bit of chocolate I could find yet again. Then a beautiful black eagle owl knocked on my kitchen window, I recognised the owl, it was James Potter's owl. Why would James Potter be writing to me?

I opened the window and let in the beautiful owl and found a few of Romies treats to the owls who name I couldn't remembered and took the parchment from its talons.

_Dear Lily,_

_I saw Remus today he said he'd seen you and Ruby told Sirius she was visiting would you care to meet up? Sirius and Peter could come to Lily, it just sounds like you haven't had much worthwhile company this summer. Remus told me to add on that he didn't tell me any more than that, he's good with secrets, I just thought you could do with the company._

_Love form Prongs (and Padfood, he's here too.)_


	5. Chapter 5

So I received an owl off no other than James Potter and the worst part was I did want to see him however much I hated myself for it. He made me laugh, sometimes, and when he did it was like when Ruby made me laugh. I invited Ruby to come along and we were planning a day at the leaky caldron with Sirius, James, Ruby and I. Remus of course was going to be otherwise engaged. I rang Petunia again to let her now I was out for the day and she hung up before I even said bye, I doubt she'll be around. I sat with mum for breakfast and ate our oatmeal, I thought it was about time she had something healthy, and left some chocolate and crisps for the day so she didn't starve herself.

"Lily Evans, if I wasn't so worried about you I would not be here! What do you think you doing making me meet up with Sirius already!" she complained but was still grinning.

"I never thought I'd miss them and it didn't feel quite right to see them alone and I haven't spoken to the others yet" I explained.

"Fine!" she laughed and turned to the bar "two mulled meads please."

"Rubes I don't drink" I stated plainly.

"You do today" she grinned at me "I need to get you drunk soon; you've been boring since you've come of age Miss Evans." She was right and she knew it.

"Fine, I'll have a few" she didn't reply and grinned at me smugly and said cheers.

We'd barley taken our first sip when our other friends came to join. Sirius' hair had grown again and it was curly but fell perfectly around his face and made his dark brown eyes stand out even more than usual. He grinned his trademark grin and it lit up his eyes more than ever, maybe being disowned did Sirius some good. And then came James the light from outside still silhouette his figure Ruby was right. James had grown and got slightly broader her I mean I couldn't call him lanky but he was no muscle man. His hair was as messy as ever and he worse the glasses he always wore with a casual muggle outfit of jeans and a polo shirt, he looked good, better even and I hated myself for thinking it. As much as I hated myself for thinking it was a good idea to see him today, why did I want to see this idiot for merlin's sake?

"Evans!" said Sirius walking over and hugging me "you don't cut a Black out of your life that easy love" he said smugly. I don't think Sirius had have hugged me before, what weird day.

"Lily" James smiled rather nervously, god he looked good. I then realised how awkward he looked as if unsure whether to hug me so he did quickly and I say hug he tapped me on the back.

"Shall we find a booth?" I said after they ordered and we returned to our seats with our drinks. I was not used to everyone drinking alcohol so feely and felt grown up for the first time which was a weird link to make as alcohol could make you ever so inebriated and child like again. I sat next to Ruby on one side and had Sirius directly opposite me.

"How does it feel to be more than a honorary Potter Padfoot?" I asked Ruby always hated hearing this nickname as she didn't understand it. But I knew their secret they could transform in to animals, animagus.

"Its hell of a lot better than being a Black Evans" he grinned elbowing James in the stomach, oh here we go again.

"Well I'm trying to keep in contact with Regulus but it's hard, I think my mum would kill him if she knew so I don't know how far to push it" Sirius black, being open and honest!? I didn't know what to say.

"As the best Black brother I'm glad we got you anyway" it was James' turn to nudge Sirius, grown up of course Ruby. Sirius smiled at James he was clearly grateful.

"Lost one of the Black crazies anyway, she's Bellatrix Lestrange now. Narcissa will be a Malfoy soon. Black Family is getting a little less crazy" oh poor Sirius with his crazy family "Least when my uncle died he left me some money, it meant a lot as Alphard couldn't really support me when I was alive, I'll get my own place next summer but the Potters' prefer me to their son so I can't go yet can I mate" he grinned at James ah he was so damn annoying sometimes but he did seem more mature.

"Something like that mate, as long as you don't blow your fortune on a motorbike first."

"Well if you'd hurry up and take me shopping maybe I'd have one already, darling" god they were a married couple and everyone made fun of me and Remus, they are worse!

"I'll take you tomorrow. Promise, as long as I get some ass afterwards honey" he grinned. God James made me cringe I hate how they are so casual about sex. Mind I'm almost a hundred percent sure James is a virgin and Sirius and Ruby have only been with each other.

"I take it you've had a good summer then?" said Ruby.

"Yes, we've had fun. Mum and dad trust me and they trust Sirius for some reason we've spent our time practicing qudditch and spells" he grinned clearly glad to be spending time with his best friend for the extended period of time.

"Sure we'll be hearing you're head girl any day soon Lily" Said Ruby, I honestly hadn't even thought about it.

"Reckon you'll get it Lily?" asked Sirius.

"Well I'm prefect I guess that means there is a quarter of a chance" I shrugged not wanting to feel disappointed if I wasn't lucky enough to get it.

"Oh shut up Lil, your Dumbledore's favourite student and a Gryffindor his old house he's clearly not going to go for Ara Parkinson, Bethan Abbot or Delphinus Applebee is it? You beat like all of their grades and you're the best friend anyone could ask for! Clearly going to pick the beautiful muggle born Lily Evans!" she said it all in one breath and it reminded me how often I did wonder how I kept up with her as she was the my complete opposite in many ways, she was a seeker on our house team of course.

"She does have a good point Evans" said Sirius while James nodded.

"Lily's brilliant and beautiful and going to be head girl blah blah blah. But Auriga Copplestone has left and she was quidditch captain, which of us is going to get it?" she in a tone that it couldn't be anyone but the three of them. She did have a point as the three oldest on the team and she was the seeker, one or the other usually got the captain spot on a team even I knew that. I mean I liked flying and quidditch was fun to watch but I was nowhere good enough to be on the team.

"Well I think" she continued as there was no answer "it'll be James he probably is just the best player and he was never made a prefect but he was always one of the favourites too" she said in a matter of fact tone and again she was right. The boys nodded as if not wanting to jeopardise their chances of winning or insult the other a issue that did not affect Ruby.

"Whatever happens, mates?" Sirius said and the shook hands.

"Well as we live together at Hogwarts and home it would be hard not to" he grinned, huh that sounded mature for Potter "How nice would it be for the four of us to get a flat? Us, Moony and Wormtail of course, we could really help with his fury little problem couldn't we" oh merlin I loved how calm he was about Remus' condition and I enjoyed hearing him refer to it like it was no big deal. Remus himself had said that James dealt with his monthly departures best. Okay James had gotten more mature damn it and as I looked in his hazel eyes behind his glasses I saw him as more of a man than ever before.

While they disgusted the beauty of an all boys home, not like they had an all male dormitory or lived together right now of course, Ruby turned to me and caught me watching James. Ruby may be very upfront but she would not make a fool out of me in front of them but grinned her all knowing smile.

"We'd be awesome living together you know Lil? I'd bring my parents and Luke of course as Eoghans was already married with little twins Siobhan and Aiden and his wifey Aoife and you can bring your mum. We could be a beautiful half muggle half witch family. I actually like this idea but where would we find a suitable six bedroom house, and what if we wanted to bring people back, that wouldn't work" she said having a conversation with herself again "but forgetting that we would be awesome together and we'll become outstanding level NEWT wizards and we'll get great jobs. Not that I even know what I want to be yet, but you're going to be a kick ass auror or healer whatever you decide."

"Surely you must have some idea now Rubes?" I asked.

"Well maybe an auror to I think or maybe a curse breaker but I'd hate to spend all my time in other countries which is more than likely in that profession. Basically I don't know" she finished with a sigh.

"I think I'd like to be an auror" contributed Sirius and James nodded "out of all the books we read about our future it was the only appealing option, I couldn't be stuck in an office" I couldn't imagine Sirius black locked up in an office day after day with himself for company, I think he'd go crazy. "Though more than that, I want to do good in the world. I want to show a name isn't everything and I'll fight dark wizards to death" he just listed off half the reasons I wanted to be one too. Sirius does make sense sometimes and he is more intelligence than I give him credit for more often than not. It's oh too easy to forget his intelligence when he's running around on like a maniac all day it doesn't scream intelligence.

"How have we only had one drink all night? And how do I feel drunk?" questioned Ruby. She had a good point my mulled mead was full as when I first got it and I was feeling more lightheaded than I would care to be. James grinned.

"Well Sirius' inheritance needed to go to good use, we asked Tom to refill our drinks and he'd pay" now it all made sense.

"You should have told us! I never drink" I shouted at them they just grinned an annoying grin.

"Girls we were hardly forcing it down your throats were we?" damn it Sirius had a point but it was time to stop drinking before I was too drunk to get home.

"Shit it's nearly eleven! Oh god I said I'd be home in like ten minutes I can't go home like this!" complained Ruby as she ordered water.

"Ruby you look find, just make sure you feel well enough to apparate I don't want you getting splinched" I said she nodded as she drank her water.

"They don't know I drink so I can't really make an excuse and I hardly can use it as an excuse" Sirius went to open his mouth "No Sirius you've had more than me" she rolled her eyes at him. I hope Sirius was offering to take her home to be nice as he would feel the wrath of my wand if he wasn't.

"Don't you have a curfew?" I asked Sirius and James as they sat drinking more as me and Ruby made the effort to sober up "you know you'll have to be sober to get home."

"Evans your small you can't handle what us pros can handle" James grinned oh what rubbish.

"Fine. I'll put you on the Knight Bus when you're too drunk to get home alone."

"You know what, I'm really looking forward to learning the patronus charm next year" said James swishing an imaginary wand. The pantronus was like a guardian to protect you from dementors, god I wish I had one for my mum to protect her now. No, no don't think about that the whole point of a patronus charm is to think of something happy, I knew the theory.

"Yeah there meant to be hard though, you need to make the most of your best happiest memory. I bet it's easy to be distracted" I said as my while just chatting my mind was off on a tangent.

"True but I'm sure we'll get used to it" he said "I wonder what mine would be"

"Oh how curious, _prongs"_ he said and nudged him. Sirius did have a point in would probably be deer.

"Right what a shame to leave this simply thrilling conversation but I think I'm okay to leave. Love you Lily" she said and hugged me "it's nice to be in the same room as you both and not want to curse you" she saluted them.

"Owl me Rubes, soon as you get in" I said demandingly there was a mutter of 'yes mum' as she left the leaky caldron. Okay so I was now sat at a bar with two drunken people I usually hated more than anyone. This should be interesting.

"So Evans, how's your holiday been?" asked Sirius James glared at him as if to shut up.

"It's been uneventful on whole and all events have been bad. Mind I've gotten rid of my terrible sister now" I grinned trying to make out my holiday was rather boring and I wasn't terrified for my mother.

"So you are okay Evans" asked James with rather blurry eyes.

"I'm fine" I said and tried to end the conversation.

"We should find a muggle pub" suggested Sirius.

"No, you have to be eighteen to drink."

"Yes but Evans, we can do this thing called magic!" said Sirius.

"Well Sirius, do you want to blow your inheritance on drink before you get your bike?" I said and this made him think and then work out the reality of how much we must have drunk in over seven hours between the four of us.

"Your right Evans, not something you'll ever hear me say again make a note of it" he said "no more now Prongs for merlins sake!" and wit that they joined me on the water.

"Will your parents be up waiting?"

"No they head to bed about ten, so we'll have to be quite remember Padfoot"

"So Remus said you were learning charms and stuff, just in case. Don't you feel we've learnt enough in school?" I asked.

"How come Moony that old git can keep your secrets but not mine eh? Yeah, I don't know I just feel like something bad is coming and it's worth being over prepared rather than under isn't it?"

"Yeah when Remus mentioned it to me I started doing the same, I've already been putting defensive spells on my house and street but it's nice to be prepared"

"I've been doing defensive spells too. Never thought you'd get some form of advice of me did you Evans?" he grinned and he was right.

"Never thought Potter would be over prepared for something either" he grinned at me again and nodded.

"Can always changed can't we" I looked in to his hazel eyes and was lost for words as he sat watching over me with the protective gaze he always wore.

It was gone twelve before it I realised the time and needed to go we stood together and ready to apparate home. After I promised we'd owl each other soon as we were safe and not splinched. I got home and checked on my mother the little amount of food I'd left was eaten but it didn't seem to have moved yet again and the tears started before I was even out of the room. I pulled out a quill and parchment and sent and owl to James and seconds later I received an owl from Ruby.

_Lily Evans! You better not stay out with those boys too late! Their bad influences on our future head girl. I'm home safe and sober, I home you are to._

_ All my love, Ruby. _

I replied quickly using her owl as the tears poured down my face and then my mind started to wander. I'd always referred to Potter as having the most perfect home life but something made me doubt that. His parents were a witch and wizard and as far as I knew both alive so why was Potter the one performing the magic to protect the house? Were his parents old or sick? And then I started to feel guilty for always assuming that he had the best family life. I doubt he'll ever tell me or I'll ever ask but being a wizard is part of being in a barbaric world and that made me cry harder than ever.


	6. Chapter 6

I Felt a clod breeze run over my body when I realised I'd fallen asleep on the sofa yet again, I couldn't remember the last time I'd slept in my gorgeous double comfy bed, but not only was I on an uncomfortable sofa and I'd left the window open and my living room was freezing. I looked at my watch and saw the gold hands point to twelve pm I yawned and resigned that now was the time to get up. I was half asleep as I walked to the open window and closed it. I then spotted a piece of parchment on my table and tried to work out who it could be from and then I realised I was waiting for a reply off Potter and Black, the same Potter I found myself staring at last night, that was definitely the mulled meads fault! Okay, pull yourself together Lily I picked up the parchment from the desk. (In rather sloppy handwriting)

_Hey Evans, _

_ Glad you're safe. We're home to. See you soon?_

_ Prongs and Padfoot_

_ p.s I hope you get head girl. _

It was nice to hear off them and know they were okay but I'd forgotten about being head girl again until that very second it was like everyone wanted to put extra stress on me even thought I knew they were only trying to be kind. Of course I wanted to be head girl and I had just as much chance as any of the other female seventh year prefects but I was not outstanding in anyway so why would they pick me? I would love to be able to tell mum though, I bet that knowing her youngest daughter was head girl would help her feel somewhat better. I thought about the prospect and I realized it wasn't that much more work than being prefect and it would just look that much better when it came time for me to apply for jobs; I head girl and Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! Okay Lily, you haven't got anything yet, calm down. I went to the kitchen and made my mother and me some cereal. I carried both bowls upstairs and sat by her side.

"I saw Ruby again yesterday mum and James and Sirius, they all send their love. We went to the pub by Diagon alley you know the one we had to go through the first time to get my supplies? It's a lovely little inn."

You could swear she was asleep still from the lack of response I got but after a lengthy pause

"I always liked them Lily, you've made some good friends at school" I never thought for a second she liked James or Sirius but it was nice for her to say. It was nice to hear her voice albeit slightly forced. I sat in silence next to her for a while as we ate our cereal together.

"Mum, how did you meet dad?" I swear I didn't ask this because I had romance on the brain thanks to Potter I just wanted her to talk about a time when she was happy. I saw her smile again for the first time in days and it made me feel as if everything was going to be okay again.

"After I finished school at sixteen I joined a firm called Thomas and Co. It was a simple office job for me as a sectary and you're father was one of the main managers as he was a little older than me" she paused and looked at me and smiled "apparently he watched me for a month before he had the courage to even talk to me and when he did it was just some rubbish about work and that was that. I can remember it though, he was wearing a suit that made him look older and his slightly light brown hair was almost red and he had green almond shape eyes Lily, just like yours" she looked straight in to them as she caressed me cheek "he made an impression on me then and there."

"Go on mum, when was your first date?" I asked as her voice was like music to me.

"Now that took a long time for him to get to" she smiled the smile I used to see her with when she looked at my dad "he came over to give me some work and then finally he asked my name and a week later we went on our first date. He took me out for a meal courted me properly what I didn't know was he'd actually rang my dad to ask if he could take me out on the date! Your dad was a proper gentleman. That night I knew, I knew I was in love."

We sat in silence as she reminisced over her and my dad's courtship I loved imagining them together like that happy and care free. I couldn't imagine my dad in a suit at twenty it was like picturing my classmates in suits it just didn't make sense. Lucky for him that he did though maybe he wouldn't have caught my mother's eye as quickly as he did otherwise.

I thought of how short life was my dad was barley fifty two years on this earth when he was tragically pulled away from our little family. It made me realise how little I wanted to leave my poor mother here alone but I also wanted to live my life and it was a very conflicting feelings to have at once and I didn't know which one was the dominant feeling. I sat holding my pour mum as she cried on to my shoulder and I realised how lucky I was to have her even as she struggled though my dad's death. It was hours before I got up as she fell asleep and found two pieces of parchment and Romie in my kitchen. Oh god. One has the Hogwarts cress, this is it. Why did they have to remind me of the possibility of being head girl? I've got my hopes up now, I want to make my mum proud, I wanted people to look at me and think, wow she's head girl out of everyone? I looked at the yellow envelope and green and ink and shook

_Miss Lily Evans _it was addressed and I finally managed to pull it open. There was my book list of course with everything I needed for the next year, yes; yes I know what subjects I'm continuing as I dropped the parchment.

_Miss Lily Evans, We are proud to announce you have been selected as head girl for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for the year of 1978. You will continue your prefect duties and will meet fellow prefect and head boy in the prefect's carriage on the first of September at 11am, you will be in charge of telling the new prefects their duties. We hope you take your responsibilities seriously and make the most of your time as head girl._

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Professor McGonagall._

_Deputy Headmistress._

I was already crying before I even finished reading my letter and found my badge it was simple and red with gold letters H G on. I couldn't understand how they could have chosen little old me to be head girl in our great school. Don't get me wrong I was ever so grateful but still! Me, Lily Evans head girl! I ran up the stairs excited to tell mum still in tears.

"Mum!" I screamed as I walked through the door "Mum, I'm head girl! Me I, I'm head girl!" I literally was jumping and sobbing all at once.

"Lily Evans how dare you not reply to my owl!" screeched an excited Ruby Button when I picked up the ringing phone "So have you got your owl"

"Yes, yes! You were right Rubes I'm head girl!" I was screaming as much as before as the tears poured "me! Rubes I'm head girl."

Ruby was as excited as my mother and I as she screamed down the phone at me it took a while before we even spoke. Laughing at each other's excitement I realised how much of a good friend Ruby was too excited for me to even show any jealousy, if she was jealous that was.

"Ruby! What about you, are you quidditch captain?" I asked hoping she was whipping my tears.

"Nope, pretty sure Potter got it, oh well more high jinks for me" she cackled down the phone "Okay Lily Evans that is not the important bit, I got your own at about six am so that means you must of got in past one am! You dirty stop out you!"

I laughed at Ruby's main concern as she shouted at me "It was about one yeah, I wanted to sober up before I apperated and I wanted those drunken idiots to sober up too. No stopping, dirty or otherwise."

"Oh yeah Evans, I believe you! After all that time you were telling me off for being with Sirius god knows what you've been doing"

"Oh hush up I'm not you miss, Ruby do you mind if I call you later my mum's offered to take me for food"

"Of course slut" she laughed down the phone.

I spent the rest of the day with my mother and she was not herself by any means but she was out and she was talking which was more than I expected. I had a week to get her back to herself as much as I could but as her life was all Petunia, my dad and I it was going to be a stretch to say the least. I've already talked her in to coming book shopping with me in London and I've cleaned the house up perfectly for her and I would keep on top of things for as long as I could. I knew it was my time to be there for her and I knew my strong mother could pull herself through this if anyone could; it's where I get my determination.

I spent hours on the phone to an excited Ruby who was convinced I had a merlins knows what filled night in the two hours after she left. Ruby told me all about home and how excited little Luke was to go shopping for his first year at Hogwarts and I couldn't blame him, I was so glad he was magic! I replied to Prongs letter telling him I was head girl and he replied with some news I really was not expecting. Prongs, Prongs as I James Potter who wasn't even a prefect had been made head boy. I didn't know that was possible? And why would it be Potter? Remus was so much more deserving than him, Potter was a trouble maker first and foremost and second he wasn't a prefect!? This didn't make any sense to me and I wondered what was going through Dumbledore's crazy but brilliant mind at the time. Not only was Potter newly appointed head boy he was also the new quidditch world captain and that definitely wasn't fair! Poor Ruby, even if she doesn't really care, poor Sirius who could do with a pick me up now he's technically a Potter. The worst part of all of this was that I would be obliged to spend time with Potter now, great. We had lessons in DADA, potions, charms, transfiguration and herblogy together and shared a common room. I didn't need to spend another hour in his presence more than I had to.


	7. Chapter 7

I couldn't believe there was only a three days before my final year at Hogwarts and how I wasn't even sure a hundred percent sure what I wanted to do after I left. I'm seventeen now and I'll be eighteen when I leave, eighteen is too young to know what I want to do and it's the time to make mistakes not serious decisions and that's what I was now expected to do. I really wished my dad was here, he'd know what to say but my mother was now getting back to herself and I couldn't be happier to see it. I'd actually been able to sleep in my bed without feeling any guilt and it was brilliant. Mum was smiling and laughing with me and she was excited for my trip to Diagon ally. I sensed it may be slightly forced but still it was one step closer to reality and I vowed I'd ring Petunia before I left for Hogwarts and that I'd write every day even with exams.

"Mum, wake up" I nudged her to bring her round she yawned loudly and started to get ready on the Thursday morning before term. We were going to London for Diagon ally and we were taking muggle transport as I wasn't sure if mum could use side by side apparition and I had no one to ask as it felt too silly to write to McGonagall or Dumbledore on the issue so I thought this may be safer. The problem was using the muggle transport to London it meant we had to get up earlier and there was a five minute drive to the train station and a half hour journey from Watford to central London. I was only kind of in a rush as I actually had no idea what time the shops shut and I knew my friends were going to be there today and I would like to see them. I'd also like mum to spend some time with Ruby's mum as I think she could do with some adult company for a change.

Dad had been teaching me to drive over my school breaks after I turned sixteen but I had never gotten far enough to take my test so it was up to my mum to drive. I was slightly over excited to have her out of the house again so I tried my hardest to hide it as it felt rather patronizing to my mother. We drove with the radio playing golden year's by David Bowie, my personal favourite song and I sang along to it as badly as ever, I'd actually spent so much time playing the record my mother knew the words! She sang a little with me and it was great just like normal.

We arrived at diagon alley and went in to florish and blotts to find the few books I needed. I explained details of what each subject meant. It was around dinner time and we headed to the leaky caldron where we happened to run in to Ruby, her mother and Luke I hugged her instantly and we found a booth and ordered some food.

"Are you excited Luke?" my mother asked the young boy.

"Yes! Ruby told me all about the flying lessons and the games of quidditch and all the lessons and how I'll do magic! She told me about all the professors and which ones are nice and now I've got all my own books I'm actually going to be a wizard Mrs Evans" he squealed excitedly. My mother and Mrs Button fell off in to conversation as the three children talked.

"Luke, you know I remember your first letter to Ruby, she was so excited! I think you were as excited as each other" told him as I remember how desperate he was to learn to write to contact his big magical sister.

"I remember mum only let me use a pencil not a quill coz I kept getting the ink everywhere but I used proper parchment and everything Lily!"

"I've still got that you know Lukey" grinned Ruby "sure I can pull that out to show your first girlfriend along with some of your best baby photos" he threw a napkin at Ruby's head.

"Luke!" shouted his mother.

"What house do you want to be in?" I asked Luke.

"Well Ruby said she'd disown me if was a Slytherin" Ruby nodded vigorously "I want to be a Gryffindor, I've only met Gryffindor's and Gryffindor's are awesome!"

Luke's bright blonde hair and blue eyes were going to make him such the little heart breaker when he got to school. He had the same accent as Ruby and he was even more excited than me when I first received my letter and I was under the impression Ruby hadn't quite told him why he didn't want him in Slytherin.

"Gryffindor's are awesome; we've won the last two house cups you know. And I'm going to be your head girl"

"And the last two quidditch cups thanks to me!"

"I wish we were going to be at the same school for longer! You'd make me such a good quidditch player Ruby, I can't wait to see you actually play."

"I promise after you learn to fly properly I'll take you to our friends house either Potters and teach you how to play, you can hold me to that Luke."

"Did I hear my name" grinned potter in his robes and looking even better than the last time I saw him damn it.

"Potter, were going to be playing quidditch in your garden next summer to teach my beautiful little first year brother how to play" while squeezing his cheek and getting a slap.

"Hello Mrs Evans Hello Mrs Button" said Potter politely and shook their hands. Then we saw his second in command, Sirius black.

"Hello all, would you mind us joining you for a while? We could do with a drink" he asked "can I get you anything" and Luke, Ruby and I ordered another drink. He may have long slightly scruffy hair but his politeness and offer seemed to win her around as Potter sat next to Mrs Button and Sirius has the seat next to mum.

"Potter, is Remus still busy?" I asked as we sat at a table full of unaware people it was the best way to phrase it.

"No, he hurt himself though so he's asked us to buy his books just in case."

"What happened?" asked the nosey Ruby.

"He had a bad fall while he was on holiday, he may have broken his arm."

His arm! Oh no being the only one really understanding what Potter was saying poor Remus breaking his arm while transformed. I'll have to write soon as I'm home I mentally noted as Black joined our table again.

"Which one of you won the quidditch captain over my sister then?"

"That would be me, Sorry Rubes" said an actually guilty looking Potter I think he felt like me he probably didn't deserve head boy and quidditch captain.

"He's head boy too mum" I said.

"You best take care of my Lily" she had my glare and he cowered I think he noticed the resemblance.

As I sat at the table of our miss matched friends I started to wonder how much Mrs Button knew of her daughter and Sirius relationship. I felt like she didn't know everything if she could sit so casually at a table with the boy who, um, did stuff with her only daughter. My mum knew how Potter felt about me on the other hand and I had a bad feeling she was starting to approve, yet another person who thought we worked together, what is this!

The Button family left to finish their shopping and the rest of us sat chatting until it was dark and mum and I actually had to get home. She looked tired but she was happy I was so glad to give her some company that wasn't mine for a change and that night I slept soundly.


	8. Chapter 8

I spent my last two days a mixture of packing, taking mum out for food and forcing my company on the new Mrs Dursley and her husband. I explained to Petunia it was for mums sake that she needed to look after her too and I would come home for Christmas and Easter this year for a change and whenever else that I could. She agreed infuriatingly reluctant agreed however I was still grateful as I didn't want mum alone. The best part was Mrs Button had called her once and they had spent hours on the phone they actually seemed to cliché and I hoped I was right.

It was time to leave I had my robes with my badge on ready on the top of my trunk as I struggled to take it to the car so I cheated with a levitating charm. We drove to kings cross and I may be seventeen and completely capable of getting on the train by myself but I brought her along with me before finally having to say a tearful good bye.

I went in to change in to my robes and attached my head girl badge to my Gryffindor robes and walked towards the prefect carriage. I was no giant by any means but the little first years running around looked smaller and scared as I forced my way to the prefect carriage with my levitating trunk. Remus was waiting there already, he looked worse than I'd ever seen him before his face was cut and his arm was bandaged. I assumed his transformation had been terrible and painful but this scared me seeing him battered and bruised.

"Remus" I whispered as I stepped forward and touched his cheek gently. I realised how much I wanted to make him better with my touch and how I really did want to be a healer as I looked at poor Remus.

"You should see the other guy" he grinned though it was more of a grimace I realised the carriage was filling up around me as my hand was still on his cheek. I saw no other Beth Abbot walk in to the carriage and the glare I received made me pull my hand from his cheek quickly. Merlin she thought he had a secret girlfriend I didn't want her to think it was me.

"Lily, shouldn't we start?" James interrupted mine and Remus' exchange and I pulled myself to the front of the carriage.

"Okay most of you know your duties but basically you need to escort the first years too their common rooms. You'll help them and make sure none get lost and if you find any wandering alone and terrified you help. If the first years are scared to cross the lake, encourage them and make sure no ones left behind. I expect you to use your privileges wisely and not take advantage of your new found power" I smiled at the bored crowd.

"Right, so be good and help out. Here's the parchment containing your houses password. Any question come find the head girl Evans or myself. Good luck" the crowd were as surprised as me to hear no other than Potter acting responsible? Particularly the grinning Remus as Potter walked out through the carriage and I turned the opposite way.

"Excuse me" said a little voice. I turned around if the voice was small the girl was tiny at probably less than 5 foot and she looked terrified. I leant down to talk to her as her small voice barley carrying "I can't find somewhere to sit, everywhere is full and my trunk is so heavy" she said in a stifled sob.

"What's your name lovely?" I said to her gently.

"I'm Aria, Aria Atkins" she gave me the impression she was muggle born as the fear radiated off her terrified face.

"Well Aria you were right come to the right person, see this badge? It means I'm the head girl and if you see anyone with a similar badge they will be prefect or head boy, so any problems come to me. First off I'm going to cheat a little and levitate your trunk; you'll be learning this soon. Now Aria, are you a muggle born? I mean are your parents wizards?" I asked as her amazed face watched the floating trunk.

"No, I'm the first in my family. I have no idea about Hogwarts until now" she said shaking slightly. She broke my heart because I could remember being that terrified little muggle born first year terrified on the big red steam engine.

"Well Aria, I'm a muggle born too and look at me I'm head girl now. What I'm trying to say is you will have the time of your life and I know just how scared you are. Now Aria, my best friend's brother Luke is starting Hogwarts today too, would you like to go find him?" she nodded terrified as we walked through the corridors. "Do you have some wizard money Aria?" she nodded. "There's a witch who will come around with food, there no muggle treats but you should try them, you'll love them caldron cakes are my favourite. I'm Lily by the way, Lily Evans and I'm in Gryffindor" I smiled. The bright muggle born witch looked up to me and found her voice

"Lily, does it matter that I don't have wizard parents?" oh god she broke my heart looking up at me with her dark brown eyes and hair behind her ears. Did it matter, it did according to crazy wizarding pure bloods but how could I explain that to her? As a muggle born she was never going to be in Slytherin house she would almost definitely face the prejudice of some evil bad crap crazy pure blood nut.

"You know Aria, it doesn't matter to anyone who's a decent wizard. If anyone says different, come find me" I said she nodded her hair bobbed behind her and it was all I could say not to scare the poor little witch. I then spotted Luke in a half full carriage with what appeared to be his fellow first years. "See the blonde boy, that's Luke" I said and opened the carriage door.

"Luke Button, how's your journey been so far?"

"Lily, I'm old enough I don't need checking on, who's this?"

"This is Aria."

"Are you a muggle born? I'm a muggle born that's Delphinus she's pure blood, all her families wizards you know. That's Carina and Troian there both half bloods. What house do you want to be in I want to be a Gryffindor like my sister Ruby."

I listened to Luke tell Aria about every single wizard thing she could possibly know and as I waved goodbye she had a small smile for the first time. God I hope they stay friends! Well that felt like a good duty to do for the first time as head girl but I realized I almost at the front of the train and Ruby was at the back, great. Down stormed a rather stressed looking Potter.

"Evans, have you seen little Black?" I shook my head as I hadn't seen him on the train "Padfoot can't find him, he thinks something's happened. He's sixteen now he doesn't need to return to school and we all know the crowd he's in with" Oh no, poor Padfoot, what if his brother had left school to join the death eaters ranks? They may not be on talking terms but I knew that was something Sirius wanted to fix.

"I'll help you look, have you seen any of his friends James?" He shook his head but dropped his pace as we looked in the last few carriages.

"Padfoot is convinced we won't find him, he's given up looking and considering what else he can do. I wouldn't put it past him apparating of the train I don't even think that's possible" James was more worked up than I'd ever seen him he was actually shaking with anger and care for Sirius and his brothers well being. Mind Sirius was practically his brother so I guess that Regullus was too, he cared for Sirius more than anyone else. We pulled open the last carriage to see four of his Slytherin sixth year friends. Equuleus, Leo and Orion they were three pure blood nuts.

"Where's Black?" demanded James.

"Wouldn't Sirius be with you?" grinned a cocky Leo with his bleach blonde hair, God he's lucky Sirius isn't here.

"Where the fuck is Regulus and I'm warning you don't mess with me!" he roared with his wand out. It was time to intervene and stood between them.

"Wands down boys, now!" I demanded and they didn't take their eyes of each other but lowered their wands "Now, me and Potter are head boy and girl this year. You answer our questions are get detention. Now boys where is Regulus?" they rolled their eyes and I could feel James' heavy breathing behind me as if the simple answer would be to curse them on the spot.

"We don't know" said the smaller and quieter of the three boys he bore some resemblance to Sirius and I realised he was probably related, he seemed to be telling the truth or he was an awfully good liar. I've never wished I had veritaserum and I think James had other curses on his mind to find out the truth. "We were writing to him over the start to the summer and he told us he wouldn't be returning and then he just stopped replying and we haven't heard off him in a month" he shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal which I found weird.

"If I find out you're lying to me, you'll regret it I swear" James was literally growling at the poor boy as I grabbed him and pulled him out of their sight. His breath was hard and he looked like he wanted to curse anything or anyone as he leant against the corridor wall.

"James, calm down" I grabbed his wrists at his sides as he stared at me struggling to calm himself "look you've done what you can, you can't go to Sirius like this, can you?" I reasoned. There was silence as I stood looking up at the lanky idiot alone in the corridor. Oh merlin how can we tell Sirius this?

"I can't just tell him that. I wish I didn't know" he said his glasses were falling down his nose and as he threw his head back in anger they almost fell off. I hated that he was right. Basically all we knew was Regulus was okay until a month ago, great. I'm sure Sirius will be happy with that news.

"James, it'll be okay. We'll find out where he is okay? Even if it means I write to Mrs Black posing as a pure blood" I wanted Regulus to be okay too, not as much as them, true probably but still I didn't want James and Sirius acting like this. I finally let go of his wrists. We're going to calm down and tell Sirius all about how Regulus was probably just done with school and he chose not to come back, which is almost true, okay James?" His hazels eyes met mine and he nodded as we started our walk up the corridors. I couldn't bring myself to talk as I walked by James side for the first time since I could remember he wasn't watching me as his bests friends pain distracted him and I couldn't help but find this an awfully attractive quality in him. Really I was trying to work out how Sirius was going to react to the terrible news.


	9. Chapter 9

We finally found Sirius, Remus, Peter, Ruby, Celine, Emma and Scarlet in a compartment together. I knew that most of the girls in the compartment were not looking forward to seeing the face that had ignored them the past few months but I didn't care. My eyes were drawn to the distressed Sirius in the corner. Okay I barely knew Sirius but it was easy to see quite Sirius meant upset a Sirius.

"Orion thinks he wanted to drop out of school, that's all he said really Sirius" spoke James and squeezed in to the small seat at Sirius' side in the full compartment Sirius simply shrugged nonchalantly and continued to gaze out the window. Okay I knew how it feels to lose a sibling but I lost a sibling through pure snotty behaviour and then there was Sirius, Sirius lost Regulus because, well I do not know. That must be a horrible feeling I mean Regulus is probably a death eater by now but with all the death eater activities he could be dead. How the hell could you know who take on a sixteen year old to his bidding? I know he is a complexly selfish good for nothing dark wizard but really? A young pure blood wizard like Regullus? God he does just hate everyone but himself. There was barley a word spoken in that full carriage until Remus, James and I left to finish our duties of getting the first years off the train safely.

"Merlin I feel bad for him" I murmured as we left "I just hope he doesn't do anything drastic in retaliation, which sounds very much like Sirius."

"What do you know Evans? You can barely stand to be in the same room as the boy" said James rather uncalled for I had to think.

"You know I've been getting on with him better the best year and I really didn't hate him when we met up. Don't talk to me like that" I demanded.

"Whatever Evans" and he turned then stormed off down the corridor. Remus just shrugged he was about as surprised as me. Potter was almost always nice to me and he'd improved a lot over the past year and that was very unlike the way he spoke to me. This was on my mind as I walked around telling first years to find Hagrid and then I spotted him again, James talking to the little Aria. He was making her laugh and he was actually being kind? Maybe Dumbledore that mad genius did know what he was doing appointing James. I didn't realise I was staring until Ruby poked me in the back.

"Put your tongue away Evans" she grinned as I looked around at her I poked my tongue out and went back to work. I helped the students to the boats and went to the carriages that escorted us once I was sure everyone was ahead of me. Oh I would have loved to be on the boats tonight! It was a perfect clear night and you could see oh so many stars and the castle all lit up would look unbelievably beautiful. I really do love Hogwarts castle. I then realised I was sharing my silent carriage with Emma, Celine and Scarlet god knows where Ruby was, shit they hadn't spoken to me.

"Hey, how was your summer" I asked while literally shaking.

"Fine" said a rather annoyed Celine as she looked as if I was insulting her by asking, what on earth? Luckily we were nearly at Hogwarts and the science didn't come to unbearable as no other than James potter came in to my head. What did I do? I honestly care for Sirius now and even if I didn't, I wouldn't want anyone's brother dead or in forces with the death eaters! Oh of course once he was starting to be easy to tolerate he had to do that didn't he! Why did I think there was even the smallest possibility for me and that toe rag James Potter to be friends?

The feast was amazing as ever with every different food you could imagine muggle and wizarding of course up to the usual house elf standards. Sirius and James were sat a little further down form me and neither of them spoke a single word which was unusual to say the least. Little Luke Button and Aria Atkin were both sorted in to Gryffindor and I was so happy for them both. Oh how easy it was being a little first year! Dumbledore gave out the usual announcements but that wasn't it.

"We are sad to say no other than our Professor Slughorn is leaving us this year. He has been the resident potions teacher since long before any of you students started and as one of the longest lasting staff member who is very respected deserves a sending off that suits Slughorns lavish behaviour" his eyes twinkled as he looked down the row to the fat laughing Slughorn , everyone knew about his parties and his slug club and a party would be the only suitable send off "Well of course we have decided this calls for a Yule ball with all you students invited. We have chosen a Christmas ball on Christmas Eve and I hope every single one of you would like to join us I can assure you Christmas is beautiful at Hogwarts." The four house tables broke out in to conversation, I had been wondering why dress robes had been on my list this year. Ruby of course was demanding we head to Hogsmead to find the most perfect robes ever as she had brought her older ones. "Now that you are all fed and watered I will let you return to your common rooms and I just want to remind you students, now is the time to make the right decisions and chose the right path." Dumbledore's eyes seemed to x ray every single one of us in that hall at once and it couldn't have been clearer he was referring to the students assumed to be part of the Death Eaters.

It was time to leave and the masses of students left the hall and I directed the students the right way while pointing out things they'd need to know. James did his job sure, but he was in bed before I even got chance to talk to him. God I wish I knew why this bothered me so much! God I hated feeling like I'd done something wrong when I hadn't all I wanted was to make sure that Sirius was okay, sure we weren't best friends but what did that mean? I'm no bitch like they seem to think. I fell asleep thinking about all the possible reasons why James would change all of a sudden.


	10. Chapter 10

The next day was a very busy affair with many of the new first years running around lost I tried to help guide them the right way around the school. Hogwarts is very confusing to children from all backgrounds it's safe to say it takes a while to get used to the moving staircases and missing steps. Of course I will not be telling the young students of the passages around the classroom which these innocent little first years having influences from the marauders. They may be friends of mine but they were also idiots, well I thought they were friends until James went off in his strop over God knows what.

Transfiguration was already harder than I was expected already. We were studying how to become animigus, of course, a certain students in our class were already an animigus. However I did not get involved in such illicit behaviour and if I ever mastered that certain transformation I would be legal like professor McGonagall. Of course Sirius and James were not going to show his full potential in the class as the marauders liked their secret identities. Sirius was looking rough; it was the only way to describe the black rings around his eyes and his messy hair. Oh poor Sirius. Of course I was worried about him but my main concern was my mum, I know she'd been acting better for the last few days I was home but I knew it was simply that an act so I planned to stay behind my lesson to discuss visits home.

"Miss Evans is everything okay?" she asked as the class left and I remained.

"Well, Professor my father passed away in the summer" her face looked up from the parchment she was scribbling on and her face actually showed pity. That was an unusual sight.

"I had heard Lily, are you doing okay?"

"As well as could be expected" which was true "it's my mum I'm worried about. Well my older sister has just moved out with her husband so it's just my mum at home and the last few days she has been a lot better but I don't want to leave her alone. What I'm trying to say Professor is can I maybe visit home a little more regularly?"She nodded her face full of concern.

"Well Evans, I know you are aware that Lupin does not return home for his mother but goes for other things but I'm sure for head girl with the highest grades some sort of expectation can be made. Would you like to talk to Dumbledore yourself? I could send you up with a piece of parchment with my permission" I don't think I've ever been alone with Dumbledore and I was surprised at the offer but of course I accepted.

"Lily, I really am sorry for your loss" she smiled at me "The password is caldron cakes" that confused me as I walked out the classroom and towards his office. I only knew where his office because I had spent sometime after I'd been appointed prefect there with my fellow prefects. It was unusual for McGonagall to call me Lily and she seemed genuinely concerned and the face was a lot less stern than I'd probably ever seen it. McGonagall and I did have some sort of relationship as I was possibly the hardest worker in Gryffindor and now of course I was a Gryffindor head girl, I was proud and so was she. I was at the phoenix entrance and walked inside and repeated caldron cakes. I could hear many voices as I knocked at the door.

"Enter" said Dumbledore and he was now the only voice I could hear now. I opened the big oak doors and saw Dumbledore alone in his circle office. My eyes were drawn to his Phoenix it was always so beautiful creature Fawkes was. "Miss Evans?"

"Hello Sir, McGonagall sent me to see you, uh this should explain it" I handed him the parchment. I was very quickly distracted as I looked around the room at all his unusual magical instruments in the classroom. I petted the beautiful Fawkes as he read the note.

"Miss Evans, McGonagall says your father passed during this summer. Lily, I'd like to express my true condolences. I actually lost my father when I was fairly young it's not something that is easy to deal with is it?"I was so shocked I didn't know what to say.

"Uh no Sir, I miss my dad ever so dearly but I have my memories of him. You wouldn't believe how proud he was that I was a witch, I could do no wrong" I smiled fondly at the memory of my dad "it's hurt me a lot Sir but it's my mother I'm worried for. My sister got married over the summer and she moved out. To me this was no loss; Tuney hated me since she found out what I was..."

"Miss Evans, your sister may be confused but I'm sure deep down she doesn't hate you, she probably felt she lost her little sister in to a world she does not understand. She'll forgive you one day I bet my brilliant batty mind on it. Matters of the heart are complex, I'm sorry Miss Evans, continue" I was so surprised to hear Dumbledore speak so kindly and wisely.

"Sir you may be brilliant but you're not batty" I said wondering if a single word of it was true.

"To kind Miss Evans, too kind" said Dumbledore "but continue"

"My mum is struggling worse than me. She's barely left her bed and with my sister moving out without looking back, she's agreed to come visit her but I'm worried to leave mum alone for so long. Would I be able to visit home maybe fortnightly?"

"Lily, do you really think we would say no to our head girl?" his eyes twinkled at me "if your grades are ever affected you know where McGonagall and I are, you will be always welcome to visit."

"Professor Dumbledore thank you so much"

"You know where I am Lily, if you ever need anything" he said to me and I knew the conversation was over and it was now time to leave. It was such a weight off my mind knowing that I could visit mum and I think it would help her too. I went to my room and wrote to her straight away telling her the good news and found Romie in the owlery and headed to the common room for the last of my free lesson. I found my transfiguration book and read up on what I'd learnt in my double lesson that morning.

"Padfoot, Prongs! I'm telling you this will not end well, you can hardly barge in to the Slytherin common room accusing them all of merlin knows what"

"I don't care, I want to know where my fucking brother is" roared Sirius.

"He isn't here, that's what you know so what's the point in storming in for no reason apart from to probably make things worse for your bother!"

"I just need to do something" said Sirius full of angst kicking a nearby chair.

"Sirius, we can write to her, maybe not as myself but as a so called purebood Gryffindor, or Ravenclaw. Honestly I think Beth may even agree to use her name and she is a pureblood" I said to Sirius as he threw some paper on to the fire place.

"Fine, fine try it" he said scrunching up some paper and throwing it at the wand. He really wanted to purely break something or someone as he cursed a falling ember from the fire place and made it exploded in to a large firework.

"I'll find Beth, we needed to talk" said Remus and left us in the common room together with just the three of us. I watched Sirius blow up everything he could without pissing us off and didn't say a word "Fucking hell Lily do you ever stop reading?" said Sirius trying to vent his anger.

"Oh go duel Potter" I grinned at him.

"Thanks for the idea Lily" he said quietly as if all he wanted to do with throw things and scream but he pulled himself back down. Of course I understood as he threw things at the wall and barley looked up.

"Yeah, thanks Evans" said James rather smugly as if I was meant to be grateful we were talking again. And I was ashamed to admit to even myself that I was grateful, I hate feeling like I'm wrong. But of course I was not going to admit that to the arrogant good for nothing toe rag who was grinning to himself.

"I'll never understand how you guys became animigus, I can barley understand the theory" I muttered as I flicked through my transfiguration book. Crap that was the wrong thing to say. They now wore identical patronizing grins and I was glad that Sirius could even smile but still I did not want their patronizing grins aimed at me when I'd actually essentially completely accidently given them a kind of complement. "Don't even" was all I got out.

"Oh Evans you may be head girl and simply brilliant but your no Sirius black darling!"

"Oh Evans honey if you ever need lessons please feel free to ask and I could offer some private tutoring in my room."

Oh great, now I'm the butt of every joke, merlin I can't take this rubbish. I let them carry on as they made rather derogatory comments about me as I tried to read my transfiguration book without taking any of it in. They were right, they were better at transfiguration than me at least at becoming animigus. Until then went off on a tangent and realised it was about time to plan a prank everyone could use a laugh in these bleak times with an unknown future. They had a point but my future was full of visits with my mother and I could feel happy about this for a change.


	11. Chapter 11

"Lily Evans darling, how are you?"

"Ruby Anna Button, I'm perfectly spiffing you dearest?"And Ruby sat next to me in the potions class. We were two of his favourite students in his seventh year students as I could pass without a second glance and Ruby worked to be that good. Of course until two years ago Snape had been my partner until the unfortunate incident between us all those years ago. Right now I could feel his gaze on my back and I considered if it would be a good idea to ask him about Sirius' brother as I was sure Snape was a death eater too but I didn't want to interact with someone who considered me a mudblood.

"Class today we will be attempting to create your very own felix felicis, I very much doubt any of your potions will be quite up to scratch but just in case you will not be allowed to keep it. Class I'm afraid to say there is such a thing as too much luck, even for my brilliant seventh years" he smiled his pompous grin as we each pulled out our potion books and ingredients.

"Lily, do you reckon McGonagall will let me go home?" asked Ruby with something like fear in her voice "I'm worried they may get hurt without me."

"Rubes what would you tell them that somehow you can start taking trips home? And what about Luke, would he come with you or stay here?"

"I don't know, but I want to see mum and dad and Eoghan and his little family too of course. I wish I could use a phone here" she grumbled.

"Maybe you should sort out your plan then ask?" she agreed and then Professor Slughorn was over our desk watching our limited progress and we got back to work. Poor Ruby and the family it took almost eight hours to get a single owl to, and owls could not be expected to do a return journey and her contact with home was always limited. I hope she can go home or organise some sort of visiting with her parents as would mean much to her but I knew she was so happy Luke was here with us.

My Tuesday was a busy one and I barley had any chance to sit and chat with any of my fellow students as we piled under with homework already. I may have ambitions with hopes to be a healer or auror but they main subjects needed for both were the same. Sadly Potter and Black had the same aims and we had five of my seven classes together. On top of the mandatory charms, DADA, potions, herblogy and transfiguration I was studying ancient runes and arithmacy. All deeply wonderful subjects but they were ever so hard and took lots of my time. My Tuesday was completely full with a full five hours of DADA, Potions and charms. It was safe to say I was glad to climb in to my bed that night. I got in to my dorm only to find Ruby cuddled up in my bed.

"Ruby, I do not go that way darling" I grinned.

"Oh hush up Lil, it's only us. Lily I just wanna sit and talk like we used to before we had any worries, yeah?" I climbed in to my bed next to her.

"So what's on that brilliant mind of you Rubes?"

"Flattery my darling will get you everywhere. Lily it's everything. I'm not even kind of bothered about being single but have either of us said more than a few words to Celine, Emma and Scarlet since we returned? Seriously what the hell is up with that? I know you were rather private this summer but of course you were! Hey guys Dad just died, come over? What did they expect? seriously, we are meant to trust our friends and there off doing God knows what just because they can!? What the hell we don't need friends like them. But that's not even the issue, did your read the daily prophet? Another muggle disappearance, and of course whatever else their not telling us. I just want my family protected, I just want everyone protected and freaking you-know-who to go! Just go he's just causing problems!" oh jeez Rube can talk quick and she does have some good points.

"You know what Ruby, you and I are going to get O's in DADA and we are going to protect our families to the death. You know what were actually going to help Luke learn too and he is going to be a kick ass little first year wizard" I grinned at her "come on Rubes, I'm ready for bed"

"I'm not going" I rolled my eyes at Ruby already in her pyjamas as she pulled back my curtains as if it was a real little sleepover. The thing was with sharing a room with my best friends was I never got to experience sleepovers. "Come on Lily tell me about all your suppressed feelings for a certain mister Potter" she grinned. God she could give the marauders a run for her money.


	12. Chapter 12

I woke up and felt a warm body next to mine, crap, Ruby and I had fallen asleep next to each other and according to my watch I was ten minutes late for breakfast. Oh gosh we need to get moving as I nudged a passed out Ruby as she murmured in her half asleep state. I shook her awake rather abruptly

"What the hell Lily!?"

"Come on Rubes, you know I could have hung you up to your feet that would have been worse" I grinned at her. Of course she hated getting up but she loved looking good and pulled herself up to use the makeup she really didn't need. I laughed at her as she fussed over her tired eyes and messy hair. All I could be bothered to do was put my hair in a pony tail and put on a very little mascara. They walked down to the great hall; breakfast came before beauty for me.

I was picking through my toast as I watched Luke, Aria and a fellow first year sat together chatting in there robes they were adorable. I didn't even notice Remus sit next to me.

"Lily, Beth wrote to Mrs Black for us" he said excited that was such good news maybe we'd get some sort of result. The bad outcome of this didn't even bare thinking about, Sirus and Regulus must be okay and that was that. I nodded in assent as my groggy head possessed the facts."Are you okay? You look half asleep?"

"Mmm something like that, Ruby slept in my bed last night" I yawned loudly.

"Lily and Ruby in bed together? Do tell me more" popped up the irritatingly chipper James.

"That must have been why me and Rubes didn't work, she swings for the other side"

"Yep, I'm sure she's the one who goes for the other side"

"So Lily tell us more about your first girl on girl experience? Was she more well endowed than Amos?" said James.

"Of course I am, how do you think me and Sirius did it?" up popped Ruby looking as if she was about to head on to a catwalk. James was laughing so hard he almost cried as Lupin and I cringed at the subject, Sirius was mortified and Ruby was smug at the effect her comment had received.

"Sirius, did you buy yourself that bike?" I asked remembering a conversation from the leaky caldron.

"Yes! I've got a beautiful black one, it's great. I wish I could have brought it to Hogwarts though" said Sirius with a grimace as he had only a few days with his beloved bike.

"You'll be picking up all the guys on that won't you?" I grinned at him he looked mortified face again and James was laughing again.

"Come on guys, herbology" Remus said the most sensible one in our group as we walked down to the green house. Today we were snargaluff and they were awfully awkward plants which needed a lot of concentration to control and complete our task. It may have been our second time working with them and it wasn't much easier and as I and Ruby were half asleep and Remus had one working arm it was left to Bethan Abbot to tackle. Whatever Remus had said to her yesterday she was no longer glaring at me which was a good thing as she looked so much prettier with a smile on her face as it opened up her blue eyes. She was a nice girl and hard worker and it was a shame that the relationship she invented in her head could get in the way of our sort of friendship we'd developed the past several years.

I don't know how it happened but Ruby, the four maunders and I ended up sat opposite the black lake together. I was getting on better with them but it was safe to say Ruby and Remus were my preferred companions and I would have preferred to be working rather than listening to quidditch discussions. Potter was holding try outs this Friday and even though there was only a keepers position available as the rest of the team were on their a-game he still had over thirty students lined up to take the position.

"The thing is its quality and not quantity, what if there all like Peter on the broom eh?" he said rather nastily to the forth marauder who had joined us at the lake. Peter looked insulted but didn't say a word; I think he may have been hopping for special treatment from his best friend as I could even fly better than him.

"Well the thing is we've all got to start somewhere" shrugged Ruby "we'll find a few to try and train we have almost a month till the next game."

"Remember whose captain love" said an annoyed James.

"Oh hush up, I'm the only girl on the team and I can control the team better than Auriga Copplestone could and I will better than you. And of course my amazing seeker skills will win us another Gryffindor victory like we deserve"

"You do know it's Ruby who keeps me coming to watch, you should be grateful" I informed James.

"Oh I'm sure the stands would be oh so empty without you Evans" said Sirius as he picked the grass where we lie. He did have a point a single uninterested play would not exactly bankrupt the stands.

"Padfoot, don't act as if you don't love Lily and I in the stands, we've got to support our friends" Remus grinned. I caught Sirius' smile and how he flicked his hair that was back to being perfect girls out of his eyes. He loved Remus telling him he watched quidditch just for him. And I bet Remus did watch it just for him as Remus detested of the sport where as I was just slightly uninterested. I looked around my little group of friends and caught James making his hair messier with his hand; I never knew he did that before. That's the thing with James; I don't think he's as easy going as he may make out.


	13. Chapter 13

My first three weeks at Hogwarts had gone so quickly what with all the work and extra reading I was trying to keep up with. It didn't feel right to stop reading as much as I was used to at Hogwarts I needed all O's and that was that. Ruby and I had been sharing a bed together every night, she'd been having rather terrifying nightmares where she received news her family had been killed. Every morning she'd run and look for Luke to convince herself it was a dream. Luke was fine and more than happy to explore Hogwarts by himself and I had heard James and Sirius were considering leaving him their map, God help Hogwarts. I'd seen mother and she was doing better and she'd actually spent a few nights at Petunia's and at the Buttons home. I was glad to see her out an about but I didn't want her to push herself too much and she had seemed to find the perfect balance as we stayed up till two am chatting about the two weeks apart. Ruby had convinced McGonagall she was a good candidate to return home at the same days I did but to leave Luke in the protection of the school. I was surprised Luke was okay with this but he found the magic of Hogwarts too hard to pull himself away, even for his family. I'd actually become a sort of tutor to Aria in my spare time she was struggling with her potions work and my reputation had reached her through professor Slughorn. I spent some of my free time helping her as there was so little left for me to enjoy.

It was the weekend of the first quidditch match of Gryffindor verses Ravenclaw of course I was sat in the stands supporting my friends playing. They'd found a keeper, a fourth year, by the name Gwydion Le Fay, who was a rather snooty Welsh boy but I couldn't say I didn't like him. The match was actually one of my favourites as it was full of speed and Ruby caught the snitch to score Gryffindor a win in the space of five minutes, perfect. After they had showered marauders asked Ruby and I to wait at the black lake for them as they had a surprise. I pulled out my DADA book and lay on the ground reading the theory of the patronus charm we had been learning and I could not wait to perfect it.

"Having a patronus would be amazing, wouldn't it?" I commented to Ruby seeing the page I was reading "it must be a lovely bit of extra company" she imitated the wand movement needed. She was right I couldn't imagine being terrified of the dementor's and be able to send a guardian between us both as an almost safety net.

"I know, that's why I really want to learn it. I've been reading in to it and did you know they can actually send messages!?" I said.

"Wow, now I bet that's quicker than an owl" she thought "I wonder what mine would be" I lay by the tree thinking the same as it cast a shadow over where we sat. It would be great to be able to contact my wizard friends in almost an instant but it wasn't as if my mother would be able to reply to me. As we lay together under the tree we heard the marauders return. They all looked good in the sun light, even small Peter though I could never say he was good looking. I was so glad the full moon wasn't for a few days as it meant Remus could sit with us in the sun be young, free and with friends. They pulled out a large selection of butterbeer, fire whiskey and mulled mead to drink with every sweet I'd tried in the hole of honeydukes. I looked at the food rather confused and but then it clicked as James' warm breath touched my ear and he said.

"I solemley swear I'm up to no good" the spell you needed to open the map, of course. I don't think many people knew the castles secrets like the marauders.

We sat together drinking and eating late in to the bright half moon in the sky surrounded by stars and it was beautiful. I looked up at the castle that I called home and the silhouette was just perfect. I wondered what McGonagall and Dumbledore would say right now seeing their head girl and best friend who they'd given extra trust to, the head boy, the werewolf who was lucky to be there and their two other friends. James spent his time playing with a snitch letting it fly out of reach before pulling it back to himself; he could have made a fair seeker, fast and skinny. Sirius seemed to be drowning his sorrows as we lay their together. His mother hadn't replied to Bethan and we were out of ideas except from him writing personally, which of course he refused.

As we walked and slightly stumbled back through the long walk to the castle I realised how much of a beautiful place the castle was to be with my friends. With my five best friends, my five only friends. The five who understood I didn't want to be in contact while I grieved to start and the five who knew me better than anyone. The one who I shared a bed with most nights and talked about boys with. The one who confessed he was a werewolf. The one who was in love with me and I no longer detested. The one who annoyed me to the greatest extreme who I would now class a friend. And the one who wanted nothing more than to have friends. Of course within those ones there were four of us with feelings for each other. Well two for definite but I think my hunch is correct. I couldn't love them any more than I did in that moment and I realized I would do anything for them.


	14. Chapter 14

It was Sunday morning when I woke with a dizzy head and no one other than my Ruby lying next to me again. God my head was hurting I swear I didn't drink that much as I tossed and turned in the bed. I pulled myself to the bathroom for a drink and tried to sober up. By the time I did I returned with two glasses for me and Ruby, we were going dress robe shopping. She was sat awake in bed massaging her head.

"Come on love, you've had enough beauty sleep. Hogsmead?" I said to the yawning Ruby.

"When am I not ready for shopping?" she grinned at me. We both got up and dressed at a little sped and head down to the village of Hogsmead which contained Gladrags Wizard wear and that was our destination for the day. I was looking for a dress robe of Blue and Ruby was looking for dress robes of red.

The walk was sunny as we looked along the empty path on the way to Hogsmead. I wondered why it was this empty as third years to seventh were permitted to go. I assumed the disappearances and growing death eaters may contribute to that fact. I was lost in my thoughts and so was Ruby for a change as she looked up at the beautiful sky. Our marauders would not be joining us today as they were preparing for their transformations with Remus that night and they loved an adventure. However much I would love to be able to transform in to a animigus finding perfect dress robes was one of my biggest priorities as we walked to the wizarding shop. The first thing I saw was a poster on the window of a boy no older than twenty:

_MISSING WILLIAM DOUG THOMAS _which showed a black and white picture of a boy who looked blonde and rather short in the moving image _If you have any information please contact the Minister of Magic either the Department of Law Enforcement or Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. Mr and Mrs Thomas and family would be very grateful, we appreciate your co-operation. _Signed, the Minister of Magic, _Nobby Leach. _

We stopped and looked at each other William looked strangely familiar and I guess he couldn't have been more than four years older than us when we started school.

"Lily, do you realize who that is?" I shook my head "Willy, William, I had a crush on him in my third year. He was a seventh year at the time so of course he wasn't interested in me but he played quidditch remember? He was a seeker! His granddad was American and I found that attractive as I thought it made him cultured and stuff? God, he hasn't changed. What does it mean missing? Dead? Death Eater? Ran away with his girlfriend? Well if the ministers involved surely it's dead or Death Easter right? No, not William he must be maybe twenty one now. How can someone die that young? It's just wrong!" she roared.

Every word she said was right but the worst thing was I didn't feel as surprised as she did about the age Regulus was only sixteen twenty one was practically ancient in comparison, still too young of course. This is not fair to have posters like this up they are simply causing more panic than they are solving, it's hardly fair on all of us running around without any news. Mind he is in a much worse position than us so it did not feel right to complain about not knowing when he could be suffering any number of unforgivable curses or who knows what! This was disgusting the panic he put over the wizarding community and I wanted nothing more than to spend every night with the company of Ruby in my bed and teach everyone I cared about spells to protect them. I dragged her away as Ruby could get rather emotional at times, which I completely understood with her family all those miles away. I wanted to say something comforting but I had no idea what to say. I pulled her away letting her mind run wild.

We entered Gladrags Wizardwear together and I pulled her to the prettiest dresses I could find. Ruby was not superficial by any means but I had no idea what I could possibly say and a distraction was the best option for me.

"I'm thinking floor length what about you Lily?" she asked as if nothing had happened in-between this but we were both still shaken up.

"I'm too short for that, it would look good on you though Ruby" I said pulling through the many dresses and trying not to picture William being tortured. Though it was all I could see in my mind's eye. Ruby pulled off a floor length red dress robes made of silk with a satin middle and my gosh it suited her so perfectly. Lucky Ruby found her dress first go I left with no better ideas just asking for an owl of anything new the received, I may have to make a trip to Diagon alley too Madam Malkin's Robes for Every Occasion as they usually had a greater range and I could take my mother for day out. It was definitely lucky I still had almost two full months to decide. It had to be prefect as Ruby so clearly pointed out to me.

"I really need to get myself a boyfriend, I think I'd prefer sharing a bed with a guy" she grinned at me on our walk back.

"So who do you have your eye on?" when it came to guys Ruby god what Ruby wanted.

"I don't like being the oldest in school it limits the guys choices too twenty and then I've dated one, you're _going_ to date another, one is too good a friend" Sirius, James, Remus I checked off in my head "and of course you think two of those are gay! And Peter, well Peter's not my type I need a guy who can keep up my speed and I certainly will not be dating a Slytherin. So now I'm down to twelve. I think it may be time to give a certain fairly-good-looking Anton Little don't you think?" Anton was a fairly attractive Ravenclaw, I liked Anton he was funny and could keep up with Ruby intellectually.

"I bet you'll have him by the Yuel ball" I grinned at my best friend "but you are not leaving my bed!" I told her as we walked linked arms back to Hogwarts.

Ruby had a particularly bad nightmare that night she screamed and couldn't get back to sleep for four hours. William was on her mind, bless her. I took the time as I played with her hair till she fell asleep to write another letter to my mum, I was seeing her next week but the images of William were keeping it fresh in my brain that I wasn't protecting her right now. Poor lovely Ruby, couldn't even go find her brother to at least know one family member was okay. And for the first time I understood what she meant about spending time in a guys bed, I found myself craving James arms around me until I fell asleep. I simply blamed how tired I was as this was a fantasy I must stop having!


	15. Chapter 15

I woke the next morning late and again Ruby and I were rushing to transfiguration together. We were not the only ones who were half asleep as I looked at the marauders, minus Remus, yawning. It looked like they were yawning from a good night, unlike us who was still picturing young William Thomas. Oh how I hoped it was all a mistake and he had ran off with a girlfriend without telling his parents as any other outcome couldn't have been good. I sat trying to concentrate as the information past over me as McGonagall taught a half distracted class. I realised I had no idea how Remus was, he was still suffering somewhere. Poor Remus also didn't deserve his pain.

"Lily, I'm going to stay behind slightly. Anton's there" she nodded a few seats in front of us and I rolled my eyes and let her go.

"James! How's Moony?" I said in a whisper pulling him back in the corridor.

"Its pretty server this month, his fury little problem. I don't know what to do, I don't think were helping him much for the first time" James sounded upset as he couldn't be there for his friend this way as he had been since the fifth year.

"I'm sorry James" I said "I wish I could help" was all could manage he nodded distractedly.

"Look I need some food Lily, walk with me?" he asked as we walked through the halls to the school to the kitchen that he liked to sneak too as the great hall would be too full right now "how was your night, you and Ruby look rough."I nodded as we walked through the hall with James.

"Yeah, were still sharing a bed and we had nightmares. Do you remember William Thomas, Willy Thomas?"I asked he nodded "well have you heard?" he nodded again but his face was as shocked as Ruby.

"He gave me the position of chaser you know? He was a great guy" he said looking in to space "I wonder how _missing_ he is, I don't think I've heard of a Gryffindor Death Eater and that wasn't him so, well yeah..." James finished rather lamely as we both imagined the same outcomes for poor Willy. We walked in silence through the remaining corridors. James had a little elf called Blinky come and talk to him as some of the others work. It was rare to see a wizard talk to a house elf let alone have some form of friendship like they did. Guess that's what happened when you're a trouble maker. We sat together in the kitchen and ate.

"I hope Remus is back soon."

"Yeah me too, I hope tonight's better."

"The only real reason I ever wanted to be an animigus was to join you guys, you know?"

"Remus told me, I don't think you could keep up Lily" he grinned and messed up his hair.

"Of course I could, I could beat all three of you. Just like I could in a duel, you know."

"Oh of course, remember I'm head boy, you're not the only one with privileged status."

"You can be nice sometimes James, don't act like you're not. I see how much you care for your friends, everything with Padfoot and Remus I guess you're not just a trouble maker."

"I guess that makes me an intelligent, kind, caring, head boy, trouble maker."

"You think a lot of yourself, don't you? I was thinking more of loyal, head boy, trouble maker."

"I'm happy with them but you really need to add caring too."

"You haven't quite proved that yet, I saw you with those first years on the first day it could have been a one off."

"You said I cared about my friends though Lily."

"That's why I said you were loyal" James considered my point and nodded.

"I suppose I-could-be-a-little-nicer-to-other-people" he said in one breath.

"You know Luke adores you, but I will personally curse you until you regret it if you leave him your damn map. I still don't understand how you made that so well, it is some remarkable magic."

"You can lend it if you ever want Lily, you just have to say 'I solemnly swear I'm up to no good' and to close 'mischief managed' I think it's rather fitting for my fellow marauders and me. Don't you?"

"I can safely say you four are almost always up to no good, I can't believe how much you've found out about Hogwarts" I shook my head in strange admiration for everything they had found in the wonderful castle.

"I suppose there was a little help from my father too; he was quite the trouble maker you know. He told me where to find one passage you know?"

"Really? Are you close to your father?" I asked maybe slightly jealously.

"I was."

"Were?"

"He's getting older and he's talking less" James admitted and looked at the floor; I'd never seen him look so venerable.

"Is he ill?" I asked not sure what to say.

"No, just old. He's sixty something you know we are still close. My mum's great too you know but she spends most of her time looking after him. I miss them."

"Have you ever considered visiting home like Ruby and I?"

"It would be pointless it wouldn't benefit any of us" James shrugged.

"How come?"

"Well we barley talk when I'm home as dad is always so tired, I spend most of my time with Sirius. I can't complain, of course they are the best parents I could asked for."

"They sound it, letting you take in your friend."

"All my life they have been rather lenient but I knew I couldn't push them, like ever. I pushed my uncles and stuff but them there was no chance. They brought me up in the wizard world but they were completely fine taking me to muggle places too which is unusual for Wizards but I loved the fun fair and stuff. It also meant I got to visit Hogsmead and Diagon alley long before I was old enough in Hogwarts and I've probably tried every sweet I could ever find. They spoilt me rotten on our trips and I loved muggle food as much as wizard food. They are some of the best memories of my parents you know, side along apparition, walks along the beach and rides that should have terrified me but I loved. I still sit up talking to mum about this and we can laugh in to the night. I love them both."

James Potter sounded human. He actually sounded funnily like me when I was preparing for my dad's passing and when I grieved. I had never heard him be so open and I realised he was not as bad as I thought he was. I looked at those hazel eyes and I was entranced and I couldn't look away.

"You know James, they are lucky to have a son like you" I reached for his hand and held it tightly in mine.

"They were over the moon I was head boy and quidditch captain you know, it was the first time we'd been out for a meal since I can remember" he was grinning now and holding my hand tightly "was your mum excited?"

"My mum was ecstatic seriously! She hadn't left her bed since...well you know but that got her out, I was ever so happy as I genuinely was considering staying home this year" he looked at me as if that thought was crazy "She was barley sleeping or eating or well anything. I couldn't leave her alone like that. We both know perfectly well you-know-who would love to torture the parents of a muggle born and I was scared to leave her. She's not herself now, but my sister is visiting her and she's actually started a friendship with Ruby's mum so it makes us feel a little better. Every time I go home she puts on a happy face but her eyes are always slightly red, she's still crying herself to sleep."

"And what about you Miss Evans?"

"Me? Well I've thought of my family, even Tuney, every single night before bed and there in every single nightmare I've had since I've been back. My nightmares have been full of all of you guys too; it's terrifying me every night. I never thought I'd like sharing a bed with someone but having Ruby next to me reminds me it's a nightmare." James nodded at me

"It's a scary world, isn't it?" and he couldn't be more right "Tell me the favourite memory of you and your dad Lily?"

"When he found out I was a witch, you know what he said? 'We have witch in the family, isn't it brilliant!' he was almost as happy as me and I've never had anyone accept me more than he did in that second and he never changed, right up till the end he told me he loved me" I smiled fondly at the memory.

"He sounds great, your parents are lucky to have you too Lily."

He smiled at me and all my worries had left my shoulders for the first time in a while. Sure I wasn't crying myself to sleep anymore as Ruby made that impossible. I still thought of everything that had ever happened in my whole life as I lay there I just had learnt to control my tears. I missed my dad and I missed my mum and I could not wait to return home this Friday to remind myself it had just been nightmares not a reality. It was so nice to look across the floor and see my friend alive and well it reminded me that everyone was well and I couldn't live in fear and I also needed to live.


	16. Chapter 16

Ruby kept me up till one am talking about exactly what had happened between James and me and between Ruby and Anton. When she was ready for bed I thought it was about time for me to go find the prefects bathroom as I needed a nice long bath before bed. I left Ruby in my bed and walked the corridors in complete silence to the firth corridor bathroom. Okay it may of been a stupid idea and I may of known it but I fancied being alone, it had been a while since I'd been alone and I could tell Filch I was heading to the hospital wing for some potion to help me sleep, who would question the well behaved head girl. I finally got to the bathroom and I saw the large bathroom open and empty until I saw someone getting out, shit! I considered running but where would I run I couldn't run quietly. Oh no.

"Lily?" said a voice and I recognised the voice James Potter. I looked over to be sure and there he was, towel around his waist wet hair and all. Oh my gosh he looked hot topless, merlin I can't think like that about him it's James Potter for god sake. But he did look good, shit. I hadn't replied and all of a sudden I was pretty sure he knew I was staring, oh no this can't be happening. "Thought you'd join me eh?" he grinned at me and it looked so much better than usual damn it.

"How come you're here James, shouldn't you be with Remus?"

"I was banned, apparently I looked like I needed a good night sleep so they made me go" it was an understatement to say he looked annoyed at this decision "mind if I knew I would be sharing a bath with Lily Evans I probably wouldn't of complained" he winked at me and I blushed.

"Of course you won't be so carry on complaining!"

"Don't worry, I'll leave you too it, I know you haven't had much alone time lately" crap. He's being considerate again. "Just be careful, you're the good head girl don't want to get caught out late now do we?" I couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm not allowed to bathe now am I?"

"Not without guidance I don't reckon" he walked close to me so I had to look up at him even though he was not that much taller than me.

"If you need some company, just shout. Now turn around cheeky so I can change" what the hell, James could now add modest to his list of traits "Shall I leave the map for you Lily?"

"Why?"

"Well I think you care more about getting caught than me, you'll be able to see where Filch is. I'd offer you my cloak but I've forgotten it" he was referring to his famous, well famous in our friendship group, invisibility cloak.

"The map would be great, thanks James."

"You can look now Lily, here" he handed me the map "you know what to do" he paused and pushed my hair out of my face "sweet dreams Lily Evans."

His hand on his cheek made my whole body shiver but I tried to control it as I looked up at him "Nighty night James" and he left.

God I need to stop getting in to situations where I'm alone with Potter and we end up flirting. Why did he have to be so much nicer this year, it would be easier if he was just my enemy like before! Oh merlin this isn't right, why did he have to look so good and so good topless? It wasn't fair! The idiot had managed to distract me from my true plan of the bathroom visit to cry until I felt better. It was such a confusing time to want to be alone and want company and hate both all at one time. I can't wait for this weekend.


	17. Chapter 17

I'm finally at home again with my mother and we were heading to Diagon alley to dress robe shop, she's almost excited as me and cannot wait to find a perfect dress robes. I guess this what it's like to prom dress shop with your mother so no wonder were both as excited as we are. After checking with McGonagall I found out it was perfectly safe to take her in side along apparition so that's howe we travelled.

"I think navy blue would be perfect for you darling, don't you think?"

"Me too mum, I could do with a new dress for Slughorns party and the Halloween feast mind mum"

"We'll find you something love."

We walked through the almost empty street which confused me I mean where was everyone, it was a Saturday? I made some excuse that with the children in school people didn't come on the weekends when my mum asked. It only occurred to at that second how wizards weren't travelling unless they had too. Of course here I am a known muggle born with my mother, great. This was probably bad idea and even though there were no posters like the one of William at Hogsmead but the fear was obvious. I'd never been to Diagon alley while it was this quiet and it scared me, I tried to act as if nothing was wrong but it was hard. God I wish Ruby was here.

I finally found the most perfect dress for the Yuel Ball with a tight top half and floaty skirt robes, it was perfect. We found a green dress for Slughorns party and silver for Halloween. We sat outside Florean Fortescue's ice cream parlour together talking about our two weeks apart. She was so excited about my dresses and the events and made me swear I'd take some pictures.

"So do you have a date for the events?" she grinned at me as if wanting me to confess something she though she already knew.

"No, Mum" I laughed at her.

"Come on darling, there must be someone?"

"Well I would say Ruby and I may go together but she's got her eye on someone. I'll go stag" crap. Thinking of James again. Stag as in alone. Stag also referred to no other than the James Potter who-I-was-trying-so-hard-not-to-think-about-half-n aked-and-sopping-wet. This was being harder than I thought damn it. I would not be dating James by any of these events, he hadn't changed that much.

The day was uneventful over all and we got home safe without me having to explain to my mother about you-know-who and everything else going on in the wizard world. The night was not as easy as I expected, I was looking forward to my double bed, but it felt so empty without Ruby and I was alone with my thoughts. I'd just taken my only relative who really cared for me to a place that could have been full of Death Eaters. I walked right in to a possible danger without even a second thought to my mother's safety. What the hell was wrong with me? We'd been safer to stay at home together and not in a place where wizards could do whatever they chose to us. My dad would never forgive me if something had happened to my mum in that situation and he'd of been right not to. I'm an idiot. I couldn't believe how quick a thought of my disappointed father brought me crashing to reality with a hard bump. The tears were bad as I hiccoughed loudly and actually gasped for air. My family was falling apart and I nearly made things even worse, stupid Lily. Oh and of course I was spending my Sunday with Petunia and Vernon, absolutely perfect. I wish she'd stop making out I was a freak, I miss her. I don't think I could forgive myself if anything ever happened to her no matter what our relationship with one another.


	18. Chapter 18

My weeks were flying by with many uneventful busy days. My days were full of lessons and homework and it was almost all I had time for. Ruby and I were still sharing a bed but we'd found a spell that made the bed bigger which made the experience a lot more comfortable and we'd spend late nights chatting together. She was the only one who I told about the argument with Petunia that had occurred at my house during our Sunday dinner. She'd told her husband about what I was and they were both acting almost as if I wasn't there apart from awkward "pass me the veg" and then she called me a freak and I had to leave the table. It was the last thing I wanted to do and she followed me telling me how I was upsetting mum, me! Ruby, James and Sirius were bored of having friends who did not posses their skills on a broom so they were planning to take Remus, peter and I on to practice before the nights got to dark and cold.

It was a rather fun experience as I did have some sort of skill on a broom, of course not up to our house team standards, but I had fun with them as we flew around the pitch forgetting every single problem that had plagued my over active brain. Peter didn't do so well, he actually fell off the broom bless him. Remus wasn't all that much better but he managed to do a few laps of the pitch with some skill. They were actually impressed with my skill on a broom which was a good feeling.

"We've got to go; we've got detention with McGonagall."

"How, James you're head boy now! You can't still be getting in to trouble, stupid"

"Whatever Evans, the real problem is Filch stole the marauders map" said Sirius.

"The idiots a squib, he wouldn't be able to use it even if he knew how!" replied James. I hope he's right Homonclous charm which was so hard for them to learn, it actually took them three years to complete and I doubt that said magic would go down well with any of the teachers.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing" I stared down James "we may of possibly cursed Snivelles."

"Why!?"

"Evans, he called you a mudblood, can you really complain?"

"I don't need either of you idiots sticking up for me. He's out of my life and I can stick up for myself. Don't act like you needed an excuse for merlins sake" see James hadn't changed he was still as much the infuriating idiot I'd known the past seven years. What the hell was I thinking of fantasying over that sopping wet topples body, he did not deserve thoughts sort of thoughts "you really are infuriating idiots, I thought you'd grown up." James looked annoyed at the comment and maybe slightly hurt, but he was a silly little boy still.

"Snape probably deserved it Lily" said Ruby. I really hated it when she took their side.

I spent the night in the library deliberately avoiding any contact with everyone but it may have been a bad idea as I had to listen to Xeno Lovegood. Okay, that may not sound like such a mad thing but there are only so many times you can hear Xenophilius Lovegood tell you how we should be studying Crumple-Horned Snorkack, which was a mythical creature, before you were ready to abandon your work.


	19. Chapter 19

It was the morning of Slughorns first slug club event of the year. It was going to be slightly more intimate than usual but there was still around thirty students attending. Ruby, James and I were all invited and I was excited to see little Aria and Luke had been invited too and they were the only first years invited. This was more surprising as Slughorn was head of Slytherin so he usually had many Slytherin's attend his parties. Slughorn was a rather pompous idiot sometimes but I did like the old man, he's been very kind to me over the years and I loved having a natural flair in a subject.

"And I told Trojan Wood, captain of the Irish team you know; he was always going to be a great quidditch player. From the first time I saw him on that pitch all those years ago I knew he'd become someone great and with my help and connections he did, ho ho ho" ah his usual name dropping and what he'd done to help the said student get to where they were now "I went to see him play last week you know, he caught the snitch in minutes. Very impressive, you know. How's the quidditch season looking for you Mr Potter?"

"We've already won our first match" he grinned so smugly it was unbelievable "I'm very hopeful for this year."

"Have you ever considered what path you'd like to say Mr Potter?"

"I'm quite interested in becoming an auror sir."

"Oh I know the head of the office in the ministry; I'd love to put in a good word for you. I always liked your parents, lovely people."

"Thanks Sir, I'll tell them you said so" I was sat in between James and Ruby.

"What about you Mr Potters' date for the evening?" He was looking at me but there was no chance what so ever I was James date but Slughorns famous hourglass sand was moving quickly which meant the conversation was interesting and I was not going to change that.

"He's not my date sir, but I'm quite interested in being an auror or a healer myself. Luckily they need the same subjects but of course I took an extra few, of course."

"With your skill at potions neither should be a problem but for the lovely miss Evans of course I'll put in a good word."

"Thank you sir, your too kind" he lifted his hands up as if it was nothing "thanks for the mulled mead you three, one of my favourite treats." Slughorn carried on around the circle as James started to talk to me.

"Could have been my date if you wanted Lily, and those robes look good on you the green matches your eyes." I honestly wasn't expecting a compliment of James.

"Funnily enough I prefer my dates mature."

"Snape tried to curse me too you know, and you know he's more than likely a Death Eater?"

"I don't care what he is. Remember that night when you told me you were kind and caring? This is exactly why I told you that you were wrong. Loyal, sure but cursing people for no reason, where's the care in that James?"

"At least you think I'm loyal."

"Oh yep, that's how you'll get a date with me acting like a bigger idiot than Snape."

"Don't compare me to Snape, I'd never call you you-know-what"

"Yes but you curse people for the fun of it, sounds like an awfully Death Eater trait, don't you think?"

"Lily, that's a disgusting comparison. I'm nothing like all of those idiots" he actually sounded hurt.

"Well will you stop cursing people for the fun of it?" I said trying not to be effected by his hurt voice.

"I don't as a rule; Snape is just the exeption to the rule. He'd curse me too"

"Whatever James" I hated to admit he was right but I was always annoyed at James it was just who we were.


	20. Chapter 20

It was finally the morning of the Halloween feast I loved Halloween at the castle it actually looked beautiful with live bats and pumpkins so large you wouldn't think it possible. Hagrid made the biggest pumpkins I'd ever seen and when I was there admiring them one day he told me about all the hard work that went in to creating such extravagant pumpkins that I could probably fit in with extra space. Some would be carved and used for the beautiful pumpkin pie, juice and soup that would be served as a treat for the whole school. The feast was going to be slightly different this year as instead of four large house tables there were going to be many tables for ten set up in the great hall. Remus told us he had overheard McGonagall and Sprout say how Dumbledore was trying for more in school friendships not simply by house groups. This excited Ruby greatly as it meant Anton was going to be sat at our table. The shocker was James had actually asking me to go at his date but I wasn't hundred percent sure of how I felt for him but I was not ready to be his date, so I went stag. No not Stag, I went alone. It wasn't too much of an issue not having a date for the feast but I admit it may have been nice. It meant Remus, James, Peter and I were going single and Sirius of course I had found him a date. That idiot, just admit your feelings already douche, with a fifth year Ravenclaw named Alexis-Mae Boot. She was a nice girl and everything but I knew who Sirius should be dating. This meant our table was our usual six, Anton, Alexis-Mae and whoever would like to join as long as they were not idiots of course.

My fellow roommates and I were getting ready in our dorm room I was still barley talking to Emma, Celine and Scarlet and neither was Ruby. Ruby insisted it was time for her to be allowed to style my hair with her wand for the first time as she'd been nagging for the past year. She learnt the charm and then found out it didn't suit her and so of course she wanted to use it on me. She styled my hair in to loose curls all pushed to one side, I really need to have a hair cut as it was almost reaching my belly button but it looked nice tonight as the curls fell over my golden dress robes and complimented my hair perfectly. Ruby wore her hair in a sleek bun it was still a dark brown and it was styled to perfection and she looked as beautiful as ever.

I had organised to meet James, Remus and Peter in the common room as I did not want to walk through students trying to find their dates alone as I had a feeling it may not be the most enjoyable experience. They were waiting in the common room Remus' robes may be rather shabby but the black and green complimented his blonde hair and skin tone. The difference was with Peter's shabby robes was they were at least three inches too short and were full of frills. Poor Peter, they looked old and he looked as if he didn't want anyone to see him wearing them and I could see why. James was wearing dress robes of black with hints of red, his hair was messy and they fitted his figure perfectly. I wish he didn't look good, I wish I wasn't staring. We walked through the school together and a few stray bats flew over our head.

"Lily, I know you're not my date, but can I tell you that you look beautiful tonight" said James as we walked side by side. Oh no, I'm blushing.

"Thanks James, you scrub up rather well your self" I smile acting as if his words weren't making me melt inside. He then placed his hand on my back to stop us separating from each other in the large crowd. His hand felt like safety and security and right that second I wanted him to leave his hand on my lower back as we walked in to the beautiful great hall. We walked to the last empty table and took four of the seats. I sat in between James and Remus as many students were running around us to find their friends in the busy hall. I was distracted by James as he watched the students looking for Sirius, Ruby and their dates I was watching him and his perfect nose with his glasses rested upon. Black and red robes suited James Potter almost as much as he did sopping wet and topless all those weeks ago.

Ruby lightly tapped me on the head as she sat the next to Peter followed by Anton. They were followed by Sirius and Alexis-Mae. They were all in a world of their own as they whispered in one another years as the single four sat together rather quietly. I was honestly too hungry to care about what was happening around me as I tried to control my loudly rumbling stomach.

"Hungry Lily?"

"Sorry, I haven't eaten much today yet. I wish everyone would hurry up and get here" I said looking at the vacant chairs. Ruby actually looked happy sat closely to Anton whispering in his ear with their bodies close to one another, maybe she'd be sharing a certain someone's bed at this rate.

"Come on Lily your meant to be head girl and all, smile" he grinned at me as we sat side by side.

"Your meant to be head boy and you still get detentions" I replied.

"Well did your really think I'd change that much?"

"I think Dumbledore thought so, but everyone knows he's slightly crazy"

"Brilliant though" added in Remus over James' shoulder.

Finally two sixth year Huffelpuffs came to join us. I didn't know their names but the girls appeared to be on a date.

"Hey, I'm Lily" I smiled at the two slightly younger girls sat directly across us.

"I know! Your head girl" she said in an awed tone "this Hannah and I'm Jessica" she said introducing them both. The table went around and did the same.

"Merlin I hope they hurry up I'm starving" said Hannah. My stomach let out a loud grumble. Then the Hogwarts ghosts started their usual tricks of popping through the walls and tables. As a seventh year it was not exactly a new experience for me but I saw Aria scream and Luke laughing at her. That seemed an awful lot like a certain experience James and I had in first year making me reminisce. I suppose he'd grown up somewhat but he still loved his pranks and he looked so good these days.

"Students, students" said Dumbledore from the teachers table at the front of the hall "I am glad to see all of you presence for our usual Halloween feast with a twist. I hope the smaller tables engage as many houses in conversation. In times like these with an uncertain future your friendships will be so important. If you so chose you may dance as there is some space left towards the front of the hall and wizard wireless shall be playing all night. But now enough words look at your menus and say what you'd like. Tuck in."

So we did, of course I started with a pumpkin soup to start as I was definitely partial for this unusual treat. I was surprised by how the quick the food appeared on my plate along with my favourite of butterbeer. I was surprised by how the evening easily progressed as Hannah and Jessica were too interesting witches with many stories to tell us. I had to say much to my excitement a certain Mr Black seemed more interested in Remus than his date, a fact she seemed to notice as she flicked her perfect blonde hair and kept touching his hand.

"Lily, would you like to com for a walk?" asked James. I realised I'd would love too so I agreed and we walked outside. It was lucky it was fairly warm as we stood next to a rose bush that was magically kept in bloom all year round. The difference was there were three pumpkins placed around the trunk of the tree. I looked up at the crescent moon and was so glad Remus could make the feast tonight. James stepped forward and with the moon behind his head it made him look like he almost had a halo and one thing James Potter definitely wasn't was an angel. This made me laugh and he questioned "what?"

"Nothing, so why did you bring me here James?"

"It just looked like a lovely night and I thought you may enjoy seeing the grounds late at night for a change Lily, I know you never explore with us so this is the closest we can get" he did have a point I don't think I'd ever been out so late in to the night on the grounds. A stay bat flew over our heads and James sat on one of the extremely large pumpkins at the base of a tree as a flower fell in to my lap.

"This castle is beautiful, isn't it?" I murmured looking at the castle all lit up in the dark of night.

"Tonight is beautiful" said James and I looked around to see him staring at me, his gaze made me blush.

"Did you know my patronus was a doe, James? I finally managed the magic with your help"

"No problem, there magnificent pieces of magic aren't they?" I nodded in agreement as I stretched my legs out in front of me.

We sat for a while discussing the beauty of the castle and everything around the magic community obviously leaving out you-know-who as we reminisced over our last year here. It was hard to believe we'd started school all those years ago as naive eleven year olds and now we were head boy and girl preparing to get on with the rest of our lives. The rest of our lives that were oh so unpredictable and could still be one of beauty rather than fear. It must have been almost three am before we pulled ourselves off those now uncomfortable pumpkins. James stood took my hand and pulled me to my feet.

I looked at the lovely taller and slightly lanky boy as he looked in to my green eyes, he kept holding my hand and pushed my hair behind my ear and held my cheek in his hand. It was now the point of no return as I looked in to the hazel eyes and we both leant in for this kiss. It was actually perfect. It wasn't wet, it wasn't dry and he was not dishwasher like Amos had been and as he pulled me tighter I knew I could happily be in his arms forever. As we finally pulled away from each other we heard a cough no other than Dumbledore and Hagrid.

"I know it is almost traditional for the head boy and girl to date at some point in their school career but you to should be back in your _separate_ dormitories" he didn't sound too annoyed but we knew it was time to leave as James grabbed my hand to pull me away and ran through the castle together. Of course Ruby wanted a complete answer of what had happened and how before bed and for the first time in a long time I'd fallen asleep with a big grin on my face.


	21. Chapter 21

It was over a month since the Halloween feast and ever since James and I had been going on regular dates to Hogsmead. I wasn't sure whether I was ready to class him as my boyfriend just yet but the regular dates kept us both happy as I saw a different side to the trouble making James Potter. He had been helpful to me in my studies as he helped me improve my patronus and non verbal spells in which I was struggling to perfect. He took great pleasure in the fact our patronus' matched, a doe and a deer, and he reminded me every time the subject came up. He was making me laugh more than ever and he hadn't had one what so ever detention, of course I thought this was more due to not being caught than being well behaved.

Our friendship group had developed quite well to include Anton as we actually all liked the boy and there was no quidditch grudge. It was nice to watch Sirius be happy for Ruby as we would sit in the chilly abandoned classrooms as Anton wasn't technically allowed in ours. I'd also spent a little time with Hannah and Jessica as now they felt comfortable asking my advice on the subjects they were studying which made us develop a friendship. Dumbledore's plan to sit us all in smaller tables had worked for us at least as I could now add a Ravenclaw and Huffelpuff's to my friendship group. It was safe to say there had been no second date for Sirius and Alexis-Mae, before the night was over she stormed to bed after Sirius said he wasn't planning to walk her to her dormitory as it was nowhere near ours. But of course neither Sirius or Remus were any closer to admitting the truth that was so painfully obvious to me I wanted to use veitaserum on them both and lock them in a room with one another but of course that was not exactly legal.

One of the biggest changes this month were the new wanted posters all over Hogsmead village displaying no other than Sirius' cousin Bellatrix Lestrange but the poster did not say her crime. It brought back an abrupt reminder on what was going on outside our castle and you-know-who still gaining power outside and it terrified me ever so much. But more than anything it reminded us we still hadn't found out anything to do with Regulus and Sirius hadn't mentioned it since the letter. I didn't know how to bring it up as how was I meant to remind Sirius no one knew where his brother was when I felt upset every time I thought of the distance between Petunia and myself, imaging suffering through not knowing where you estranged brother was!

Sirius loved mine and James' almost relationship that was developing between us as James was no longer simply lusting after me and he had finally done something about it. I was happy with how things were and we'd only had maybe two more kisses since the amazing one on Halloween night giving me time to get used to our developing relationship as it felt like moments ago I wanted to curse him to nothingness. It hadn't made too much of an impact on my grades luckily as I usually spent my time in similar ways there was just a lot more of James than usual. I spent many a night with the marauders, Ruby and Anthon it still meant Remus and I would work together in the library together and we still continued our long lasting friendship. With Ruby's almost constant presence Remus and her had developed a greater friendship too and he started to see what I saw in her as my best friend who I still comforted every night and as the boys were ready to tell them they were animigi Remus was ready to tell her he was a werewolf. Of course she was sworn to secrecy but she accepted the fact as if nothing had changed and went off on one of her tangents about who knows what. I loved how accepting Ruby was. The most unusual thing was the absence of Peter. He was spending little time with us and would turn down help from us and I couldn't believe I was saying this but I was missing him.


	22. Chapter 22

It was finally the last week in school before the Christmas and it was not only snowing but we were snowed under with a ridiculous amount of work. All we seemed to do was work and eat these days our time together was reduced unless we were working together of course. Taking all these subjects may have had bad been a bad idea in some respects as it wasn't as if I didn't enjoy the subjects but it was a lot to fit in to my days. Dumbledore had agreed to organize two trains home for Christmas this year, one at the start of the holidays and one at 6am Christmas day so children could spend time with their parents and their friends. This was almost perfect for me but my mother and I had a deal that I would spend the first three days at home and then return to Hogwarts for the two days before Christmas eve and return on Christmas day but instead of the train I'd apperate from Hogsmead at 7am after helping get all students on the train. I only had these special circumstances as I had not abused my privileges to go home so far. My plan for the trip home was to place a spell on my house which I'd been practicing so no one could enter without my mother or I's permission, I explained this to her and not to allow anyone in she didn't know. I hoped to be able to place it over Petunia's house too as McGonagall had taught me the spell and told me I could place it over an unsuspecting house hold as long as they did not accidently invite a dark wizard in to their home.

All of the seventh year was about as stressed as me almost everyone had books with them everywhere they went. The snow was barley enjoyed as I spent my days in my library and common room with books, parchment and quills keeping up with my home work. Of course this bored Sirius and James to some extent and they could often be found outside having snow ball fights they were determined to teach us to skate on the black lake a skill they had learnt in their third year.

"Lily! Come on you've barley left the common room in days, you've done all your homework and you know it exams aren't for months. You too Mooney, it'll be fun! And Wormtail and Anton if we can find him" Ruby was right, my work was done but I felt I needed the extra reading to keep on top of everything as I could not deal with the possibility of falling behind.

"I will if Lily does."

"Fine Remus!" I grinned as if it was the worst thing he ever made me do.

"We'll look for them on the way" said Ruby as we left the common room "I want a nickname!" she said in a rather demanding tone.

We walked the long way to the black lake walking passed the Ravenclaw common room, library, where we found Anton and the great hall where we found Wormtail and they joined us as we walked to find James and Sirius having a snow ball fight. Ruby and Anton were holding hands as they walked with us almost on their personal date and spending time with us.

"Moony, Wormtail, Lily, Rubes, Anton!" shouted Sirius.

"Hey James, Hey Sirius" I said.

"Call me Padfoot Evans, otherwise you'll be Evans again!" he threatened with his wand pointed towards me.

"Fine Padfoot" I said rolling my eyes at my cocky good looking friend.

"We've come for you to teach us to skate, apparently" said Remus.

"Moony, Moony, Moony you came to the right place" Sirius said and magiced up a pair of boots for himself and Remus "you've come to the pros."

"What spell is that Padfoot?" I asked.

"Don't worry your pretty little brain about it Lily" and there appeared another four skating boots for us all.

"Is it safe?" asked a doubtful Wormtail.

"Well we've never done it with some many of us but we'll put some strength spells on it" said James making his own skating boots for himself and pulling them on. James being sensible is unusual but attractive. We all walked towards the black lake James held my hand helping me keep my balance as I was not clumsy of course but I hadn't been skating in a while. It took me a little while to find my pace and ended up on my bum a few times and I was more than glad to be wearing my Gryffindor scarf and gloves as I fell down repeatedly as I didn't really feel the cold what so ever. I finally found my balance then James and I were skating hand in hand and it felt wonderful. His touch on my right hand was keeping me warmer than the gloves and scarf. "Spin Lily!" said James holding his hand above our heads and made me twirl. We were standing together with his hands on my waist and the snow falling around us and we kissed again and our lips were cold but he was just perfect.

"OI! WORMTAIL NEEDS A HAND LOVERS" screamed Ruby and we looked back to see Wormtail on his ass while Padfoot was chasing Remus around the pond. I wasn't quite sure which one she was calling love bird as they were both smiling more than I'd seen them in a while even if they hadn't just pulled themselves away from another perfect kiss that I could still feel on my cold lips.

"Come on Wormtail" I said as me and James pulled him up to his feet "Lean on us" as he was in between us and started to skate as an awkward six legged skater. Padfoot and Remus were off around the other end of the lake where Sirius appeared to be showing off doing some tricks where he jumped off the ice. It progressed to a jump and spins and ended up on his ass while Remus roared laughing and pulled him to his feet. Ruby and Anton were skating together holding hands and they both seemed to be naturals though I wouldn't put past Ruby to have done it before. Anton stopped and managed to pick up Ruby and spin her round with such precision you'd of thought they were at the winter Olympics. We dragged around Peter between us but even that couldn't ruin the moment for us after that perfect kiss. Remus was now the one showing off and surprisingly to me was he actually could jump and spin like Padfoot had attempted. It was the perfect place to be with friends in the wonderful Hogwarts ground covered in snow as it fell down around us. I can't count the amount of times all of us ended up on our bums after falling and I'm surprised to say there was no serious injury as we skated from one side of the lake to the other. Then I felt a freezing cold snow ball hit me in the back of the head I looked back to see Remus and Padfoot standing together, Padfoot was bent over laughing as I scowled. I picked up some snow that had been falling at my feet and skated towards him and got the little snow I could gather right in his face.

"Evans, you bitch!" he shouted at me as he picked up some more snow form the side of the lake and this time it hit James. This started off a large clumsy snowball fight on ice while Wormtail actually had to get off the ice as none of us could help him now as it was every man for himself. We were falling around on the ice snow was going everywhere and I was in tears laughing as Ruby accidently tackled me to the ground. We lay together too busy laughing to be effected by the cold and pain as we lay side by side. When James and Anton had managed to pull us to our feet we saw Padfoot on top of Remus a bit further away from us and they seemed like Ruby and I who were too busy laughing to actually move.

When we finally left the ice and walked up to the castle we realised just how cold it actually was and every piece of clothing was leaked through with melted snow. As we sat back in the common room with one another I was ever so happy that I'd gone out to skate with them, I may be head girl but I still deserved some fun.


	23. Chapter 23

I'd spent a few days at home with my lovely mother it was the first Christmas just the two of us of course and I happily decorated the house with the magic as I'd never been allowed to use magic at home before. Of course it didn't live up to the Hogwarts Christmas with the 10ft trees and perfect icicles. We sat together drinking eggnog in to the early hours I guess this is what adult Christmases feel like as we looked up at my handy work around the house. It had been a lovely few days writing to James and calling Ruby almost every night and it was just perfect. Mum was going to spend Christmas Eve with Petunia and Vernon and I'd meet her there for Christmas day. Of course this meant I'd have to keep my mother's presents that were magical, such as the sweets from Honeydukes which she adored, until I was truly at home as Petunia would not be happy with magic of any sort in her house. I decided to buy Petunia a vase that I thought was ugly but I thought she'd like as a sort of peace offering to her and kind of to Vernon too, mum thought it was a good idea.

I'd placed the complex spell on my house and I had to walk to my shed to apparate from my back garden shed, classy I know. I apparated to Hogsmead who within five minutes appeared no other than Ruby was next to me.

"Ireland is so beautiful at Christmas, all the families staying I can't wait to get Luke home but I'm going to miss you Lily!" she said before even a 'hello' as we were wearing our thick scarves and gloves as we walked the fairly long walk to the castle. It looked amazing as I saw the snow all over the castle and the grounds as we walked and watched from the distance and I listened to Ruby's updates on all of her family she'd seen over her few days at home. "Of course Anton is dying to see me. I actually like him we were owling while I was away but obviously it was hard to send a poor owl in the snow on that long flight. I can't wait to master talking patronus!" I simply listened as we walked together back to the castle I loved listening to Ruby talking about everything I'd missed in the short three days. "Well darling I'm going to find Anton" she hugged me at the entrance of the great hall and I left her go and went to find any of our other friends.

"Lily, Lily!" I heard a voice from behind me and saw Remus Lupin, he'd been through his transformation while I was away and it was safe to say he was looking rather battered and definitely bruised with his scared lip split again.

"How was your fury little problem Remus?"

"It was painful but the marauders kept me company and kept me sane but Lily that's not important. They are getting closer to perfecting the Wolfsbane potion!" he grinned at me the Wolfsbane potion would mean during his transformations he'd keep his mind and just basically be in another's body. It was also hoping to mean it was less painful but being less dangerous was a plus for Remus as he always hurt himself while he was transformed and still thought he may hurt another person.

"Remus, this is wonderful!" I said ever so excited for him "what's the development now?"

"They think they know the needed ingredients they are defining the order and they plan to test it within a year. I know that's twelve full moons but still, Dumbledore's hopeful so why shouldn't I be?" Dumbledore may be brilliant but he was almost always right so all I could say was I hoped he was right too. It would be brilliant for Remus to stop thinking of himself as a monster.

"You know whenever they do invent it Remus, you know I'll make it for you I know you're not exactly a hand a potions. I always will too, whenever you need me" I looked at my oldest male friends face as he looked happier than I'd seen him for a ever so long time when we chatted and I hoped that the potion would be finished soon. I was still looking at his scared but good looking face when James ran over to me and picked me up and span me around in the hallway. I'd normally hate such a public display but I was so happy to see him and it had only been a few days. I think it was time to admit I wanted him to be my boyfriend but I would never be the one to bring that up I just hoped James could read me well for once.

"Put her down Prongs" said Sirius from behind him.

"Get yourself laid mate" I wasn't exactly impressed with this comment from James who was _definitely _not going to be getting 'laid' any time soon. James looked at me as if to say sorry, okay maybe James could read me a little better than I thought.

"Come on you three, what have I missed since I was away?"

"Did you see there are a few new posters in Hogsmead? They've put some up for Regulus, I know about time, a few other people whose names I can't remember and there's another wanted poster for Bellatrix Lestranges husband" Sirius was right, it was about time it had been what five maybe six months since Regullus had gone? What were his parents thinking?"

"Are they telling us their crimes yet?"

"What do you think? The ministry want us to know nothing, as if this that could help us may as well be walking around with our eyes closed. We needed to be prepared for the Death Eaters and you-know-who" said a rather wise but still smiling Remus.

"We over heard Dumbledore and McGonagall the other night when we were under James' cloak, they said no one's prepared we need to know how to fight. Their main concern was fighting the imperius curse as there's no block, obviously there's none for the other unforgivable but the only one you could fight is the imperius curse but they can't exactly put it on us can they?" they had a point the other unforgivable meant pain, and the worst of the three meant instant death and the impresious curse could control a person to complete their every command. They were unblockable but a strong mind could sometimes fight the imperius curse.

"Dumbledore actually called you-know-who his real name" said an awed Remus "I've never heard someone do that before, McGonagall looked about as surprised as us."

Peter had joined us from the library as we walked through the hallways to our common room and I thought about how we were almost definitely going to have to fight soon and it scared me. I hope they stayed away from my mother to safe from all the crazy pure bloods around.

"Lily, our futures going to be perfect" whispered James in my ear.


	24. Chapter 24

Finally the day of the Yule ball I got to wear my beautiful navy robes dress and I had my hair cut and styled in to a half up half down style with the lose waves at the ends. Ruby insisted it was perfect and I couldn't help but feel like I did look nice. Ruby of course looked perfect and as we drank our stash of mulled mead from under my bed, well our bed. We walked to the common room where the boys were waiting. Oh merlin James looked amazing his green robes suited him even better than the ones he wore for Halloween and he looked ever so attractive and this time James was my date. He looked ever so happy as I watched him and they looked at us walk down then he stepped forward.

"Lily, you refused to let me get you a gift so I thought you may agree to this" he handed me a beautiful magically blue Lily corsage to match my dress I hugged him so closely after he put it on my wrist. It was perfect, wow; he'd actually blown me away.

"It's beautiful" was all I managed before;

"Lily, you wanted some photos before we went down, Anton's outside, can't make him wait too long" she grinned at me and I handed James my camera. Ruby and I had a picture together, then with James and then we found someone to take a photo of the six of us together. Everyone looked a lot better than usual and everyone had found a date. Remus was going with a Huffelpuff fifth year named Lavender O'Brien, Sirius was going with a Gryffidnor fifth year named Alice Howard and Peter was going with a girl named Myrtle Yaxley who was not only a Slytherin but her older brother was almost defiantly a Death Eater so it was a rather questionable choice. However happy I kind of was for my friends.

The castle was beautifully decorated with the suits of armour even signing but Peeves of course was up to no good and I was him being shouted at by Filch who was wearing the ugliest hair coat, I guess he'd tried. Our friends had run off to find their dates I realised me and James were walking together hand in hand down to the hall, he'd already made the night perfect for me. The tables were set up in tens again and we spotted Sirius and Remus with their dates in a far corner and we joined them. We did our introductions with the guy's dates.

"Guys Wormtail's over there!?" pointed out Ruby as she came to sit with us. We looked in the direction she was pointing past all the heads finding seats and sure enough Peter was there with Myrtle and many Slytherins, a Gryffindor on a table of Slytherins was unheard of. James and Sirius looked rather annoyed.

"James, Padfoot, honestly how would you of treated her knowing she's so closely connected to merlin knows what?" and I kind of understood. As far as I knew this Yaxley girl was his first ever date he obviously didn't want his idiot friends to mess it up for him did he? They seemed to consider it and I saw the fact he was on a date with her more of a betrayal than sitting with all of them, of course I wouldn't say that to them as they tried to stop grimacing in Peters direction.

Our table filled up with one twin girl from Huffepuff and her Huffelpuff boyfriend. They were nice enough but kept themselves to themselves as we sat together in a feast similar to the one at Hawlloween but a lot more lavish with camera men walking around taking photos and a dance floor ready at the front of the hall. There were a band playing called the 'weird sisters' who apparently gained and lost a member every few years so had been evolving since James' grandparents were kids apparently they were very popular, but I hated to say it as I sounded like my mum, but it just sounded like noise to me.

"Lily, would you like to dance?" asked James as we looked over at the half full dance floor with no other than Slughorn dancing with professor Sprout.

"I'd love to Mr Potter" I grinned as he took my hand and walked me to the front to the hall. His arms were around my waist and my hands were around his neck and we danced to the slow song and for the whole time I was lost in those amazing eyes. The rest of the dance floor was blocked out as he held me in his big strong arms and I was so glad I agreed to be his date that night. He started to lean in when we got a rather abrupt remind we were not alone be a boisterous Sirius barging in to us.

"Padfoot!" I shouted at the grinning Sirius as his date hung on to him as if he was the most beautiful man in the whole world and she wanted to be nowhere else than there.

"Well Prongs, do you remember what you used to tell me when you followed Lily around? All's fair in love and war guys."

"Come on let's dance" said Ruby as the song changed to one of fast pace. The eight of us stood together dancing in a ridiculously large circle which no one seemed to want to get close to but when I noticed how, uh, wildly James and Sirius were dancing no wonder they kept back they were worried about getting knocked over. Ruby pulled me in to her and we danced together hand in hand giggling as all our troubles were gone that night. Of course that wasn't it for Sirius he decided to pick me up, mainly to annoy James, and then when he put me down I fell in to Remus' arms it's safe to say their dates stormed off and they seemed none the wiser.

"Padfood, Remus, your dates!?" they both shrugged and Remus spun me around and pulled me in close to him. As we looked back at a slightly jealous James as his friend held me close to him as if I was his date rather than Lavender. Of course it didn't take long to be pulled back in to James as a fake little muggle fight broke out between them before I stepped in between. We headed for drinks which Sirius had worked out how to spike ours and I was getting a little drunker than I would of liked and I could see James was getting slightly worse for wear. I didn't want James to be drunk when he asked, if he asked that is. Sirius grabbed me aside from the bar.

"You know you're not too bad, and if you decide to put that idiot out of his misery I'm glad. I hope we can stay friends as well."

"Padfoot, you're not who I thought you were either. You're a lot funnier than I'd care to admit and I'm glad were friends too" he punched my shoulder gently and clumsily and it made me realize he may be inebriated which did make sense for his unusually kind words. "Time for some water ey Padfoot?" he just grinned at me and pulled Remus to go for a walk, I wonder where they were off?

James had his arm around me as we stood chatting with Ruby and Anton discussing people around the room. Some seemed to have drunk even though there shouldn't be any in the school but it hadn't stopped us so why should it stop them. A definitely intoxicated Professor Slughorn

"How's your night sir?" I asked him as his glazy eyes looked passed us.

"Lily Evans, a muggle born you know and top of the class" he said to no one in particular "tonight is beautiful all for me you know" he said as he sipped what appeared to be mulled mead.

"It's very fitting for your last Christmas Sir, your dress robes are lovely" I said even though he looked like he was going to burst out of them the green emerald was actually lovely colour.

"Thank you Miss Evans, too kind too kind" he said as he walked unsteadily on his feet over to a dancing Dumbledore and McGonagall. I watched till he reached them to make sure he wasn't going to fall flat on his face. When I looked back James was drinking water but Ruby and Anton had disappeared I dread to think what they were doing.

"Care to go for a walk beautiful?" asked James taking my arm which had my corsage. We walked outside and I couldn't see any of our missing friends.

We ended up under the same tree which we shared our first kiss all those months ago I couldn't believe it had been more than two months since then. He conjured a bench under the tree and as I was wearing quite a small dress he handed me his long robe over my shoulders.

"I started to think you'd never come on a date with me"

"Oh really?" I smiled at the vulnerable looking James cocky Potter.

"You know how I've felt since day one, didn't you? You were clearly disinterested in any advances I ever made even when I started to grow up. Yes I know I'm not exactly grown up but still in your words 'I'd stopped cursing everyone for the fun of it' you weren't interested and when you replied to my owl in the summer I knew you may no longer simply hate my guts like you seemed too. I know we started to tolerate each other the past year prior but still, we weren't even exactly friends. I almost didn't write and I'm so glad I did and I'm glad we could meet up together the next day and we could talk together, in a group with Ruby doing most of the talking maybe, but still. I was gutted when you turned me down for Halloween but I'm glad I waited. Who would have guessed we would have been on what? Date number six if we don't count the late hours we've spent together since and before. I know you said before you weren't ready to be my girlfriend" and he finally paused watching my face like he had the whole time he talked to me and he was trying to work out if he should ask. I didn't want to give too much away as of course, I smiled at him and pulled his robe closer around me closer and leaned closer. "Lily, would you like to be my girlfriend now."

"James, I'd love to" and we leant in to another amazing kiss as the snow had started to fall around us sheltered by the tree branches and the flowers had started to fall on us to. Here I was kissing my now boyfriend the gorgeous James Potter under the tree we had our first kiss as his hands reached for my cheek pulling me even closer if that was possible and his spare hand ran over my cold back and kissed me passionately. We finally pulled back and laughed as we sat shivering together in his arms as my hand drifted to his chin and through his hair and I couldn't quite stop smiling as we held each other close to one another. His arms were around my back as mine reached around his neck again and kissed each other lightly as I saw flowers in his hair and I laughed again and kissed holding each other closely. He murmured pulling me in to another kiss as we sat shivering in each other's arms but I was blocking out the cold as we kissed. We kept kissing under that tree until who knows what time. Who could have guessed James, my boyfriend!

"I've finally got you Lily, I'm not going to lose you to frostbite. Come on" he grinned as he took my hand and we walked through the castle hand in hand.

I fell in to my bed in a dream like state as I fell in to the bed Ruby and I had been sharing for this year and I saw a vase by my bed. A vase of Lily flowers dyed green, the same green as my eyes. There was a piece of parchment there too

_Dear Lily, I knew you didn't want gifts and I didn't think this would count. I grew them and changed them myself. Lilies for your name, of course, and green to match your eyes but they are still no where as beautiful as you. Happy Christmas, Lily Evans._


	25. Chapter 25

I was half asleep when I finally got to Tuney and Vernon's the following morning but luckily I didn't splinch myself. I arrived at their house and Tuney was wearing an ugly dress as she answered the door in a horrible peach colour and I then saw beefy Vernon wearing a suit that looked close to bursting, much like Slughorns. I sat and exchanged niceties for the first time in a long time there was no blazing row and she was very grateful for the gift, of course she liked it as I thought it was ugly of course. She didn't call me a freak and I was able to cast spells on their home without their knowledge and I hoped it did protect them as I always had even when we were worse off than this. It was safe to say I wasn't exactly a fan of Vernon but I did love Tuney at the end of the day she was my miss guided lost in between two realities big sister and she loved him. If I'd never been a witch we would have been very close and continued that friendship we'd developed in our younger years. I hope we can remain tolerant of one another as I hate the idea with a future without her. I couldn't imagine never meeting her children or her never meeting mine, for all I knew they could be best of friends.

Christmas night I enjoyed a lot more we didn't leave till almost eleven o'clock but mum and I talked about all of dad's silly Christmas traditions but we were enjoying this time together as we sipped our eggnog in front of some crappy Christmas TV. Dad would have hated this he never stayed up late and got annoyed if he couldn't sleep we headed up to bed, in separate beds and I fell in to a dreamless sleep.

I received two owls when I awoke on Boxing Day from James, and Ruby.

_Lily! We didn't get chance to catch up after the ball ring me the day after boxing day after 5pm please! Lots of Love Ruby._

I quickly replied.

_Dear Ruby,_

_ I think you're the one with hidden details after the ball. I'll ring you when I get chance (Only replying here to send your owl back)_

_Love always, Lily. _

I fed her owl a few treats and sent her owl back on the long cold flight. James' owl was next.

_Happy Christmas Lily, I hope you didn't curse your sister, well I hope you don't get caught if you do, have a lovely day. I can't wait to see you already missing you. James._

I replied;

_Dear James,_

_ Hello, I didn't get chance to think you for the flowers but their beautiful and I swear I'll keep them forever. I hope your Christmas is good too! I feel sorry for your parents with you and Padfoot around the place. I'm sorry I didn't get you anything, I didn't think James. I hope you have a perfect holiday, make the most of it and I can't wait to see you! Lily x_

The next few days were a blur I actually managed to talk mother in to a trip ice skating trip, of course she only watched but still. We had a trip to Ruby's house too and spent a few nights up to New Years Eve before it felt right to leave their family. Of course Ruby and I caught up she was so excited that we were dating finally she was convinced she'd seen in it from first year, even though she didn't say anything out of respect for me, I didn't believe a word of that what so ever. Ruby and Anton had gone for a walk through the grounds before James and I but they went further and walked through the cold grounds and ended up making out in a abandoned classroom and sneaked to his Ravenclaw dormitory and had a little, uh, fun she gave me the gory details of what they did do much to my dismay.

We were back home together my mother and I and we watching muggle tv all through the night and sang with the countdown. We were sharing my mulled mead that I had brought home with me and all the Honeydukes sweets I could carry it was like a sleepover. I heard a knocking at the window and I got up to let Romie in, I'd sent a letter to James a few days prior told him I'd be at Ruby's until today and if he wouldn't mind to look after her so she didn't fly all the way to Ireland in the freezing cold weather. I let in the beautiful owl and pulled the parchment from her talons.

_Dear Lily, _

_ First of all, I want to say happy New Year too my wonderful girlfriend. I hope you had a wonderful time with Ruby and I can't wait to see you, I'm counting down the days till I see you, only seven left. Padfoot sends his love, speak soon. James x_

It's funny how hearing 'love' from Padfoot doesn't mean a thing as a friend but as James and I were not quite ready to say it and it had been missing from every correspondence. I knew I loved James in some way but I don't think I was quite in love with him yet and I couldn't wait to feel that way for my lovely boyfriend. We decided against meeting this holidays as I wanted to spend it with my mother, and honestly I was not quite ready to tell her I had a boyfriend, and of course that didn't mean leaving her alone on her first single Christmas in so many years.


	26. Chapter 26

It was next to no time I was catching the Hogwarts express back of course I carried out my duties as head girl, witch-was-still-pretty-damn-amazing-you-know, but I was looking forward to sitting with my friends in our carriage. Mind I wasn't looking forward to the almost guaranteed taunting I'd receive from Sirius. Finally James grabbed my hand after checking on the students and pulled me in to our carriage where we were shortly followed by Remus. Peter was gone again and apparently Myrtle was now his, as Sirius put it, 'bird' and was with her so the five of us were sat together in our compartment.

"We spent half our time in a neighbouring muggle village riding on Padfoot's bike and watching him chat up muggle girls while using fake ID to try muggle liquor"

"There were some beautiful girls there!" defended Sirius while flicking open and closed a muggle pack of cigarettes. How disgusting.

"You better not of taken up smoking, smoking's foul!" said Ruby with a look of distaste on her face.

"Here's the thing babe, were not together now babe and I really don't care what you think" said an unusually stroppy Sirius, it's been the first time in a while I'd wanted to curse him but merlin I could of right then.

"You may not be dating Ruby anymore but I do not want the smell of that in our dormitory" said Remus down his nose at the overly irritating Sirius black who appeared lucky he didn't have three of the five wands in the room were not pointed at him screaming whatever may come to mind. James looked strangely understanding at the annoyingly still perfect Sirius as James squeezed my hand as if to drop it.

"Remus, how was your break?" I asked. He pulled his eyes away from Sirius and Remus tried to smile even with a fresh cut on his neck.

"Rather uneventful, mum was fussing the whole time as if I'm in more danger than everyone else because of my fury little problem" he said rather irritated and not very Remus-like.

"Your fury little problem just makes you unique mate, we'd still take you on" grinned James. This made Remus laugh as the stroppy Sirius stared out of the carriage window and none of us bothered to interrupt the moody idiot.

The day was long but by the time we'd got everyone onto the carriages to the castle James and I ended up in one alone as the prefects had gone ahead. He held my hand and squeezed it as if worried about what he needed to do next.

"Lily, Sirius is stressing over Regulus he's still heard nothing and he's turned in to the stroppy idiot you've seen today" he sighed as if he was at as much a loss as me "it's driving me crazy but I can't imagine what's going through that over active brain of his." Even though James described Sirius' brain as over active Sirius was probably thinking over every possible and probable outcome for young Regulus, it must be hard but I'm not used to Sirius being even kind of emotional or full of angst.

"I feel bad for him; I knew there was something up when you didn't call him out for being an idiot."

"I wish he could say he was an idiot, he's probably complete correct. Come on tell me how your holiday was?"

"It was lovely, Tuney and I could be civil and I'm glad at least for my mother's sake anyway. We spent some time with the Buttons and we sat up drinking eggnog as if it was a sleep over. What about you?"

"It was like I described, I hate that I spent more time with Sirius than my parents but still, we had fun and I still saw a lot of them even if it was just sat talking."

"I'm glad you had fun too. James the Lilies were beautiful, you're too thoughtful."

"Are you sure it was enough?"

"I didn't get you anything idiot, it was more than enough."

Then we got lost in kisses until we had to walk to the dark tall castle hand in hand. I can't believe I'm walking around holding hands with my boyfriend, Amos always thought that was too much PDA, or that he was my boyfriend. We walked in to the great hall together and headed towards the Gryffindor table.

"Oh here we go, Prongs and his flower" said a maddening Sirius, oh what an idiot if I didn't know what was happening I'd of cursed him right there. Of course Ruby didn't know what was happening and picked up a carrot and threw it at Sirius' head, I was not the only one who was amused by this as Remus laughed too.

"Fuck this shit" said Sirius and stormed out of the great hall as if he owned the place. This may have been a terrible idea but I got up and followed him.

"Sirius! Sirius Padfoot Black! Stop right there!" I shouted down the hallway, head girl or not Sirius was still my friend. I essentially had to run to catch up with him and then stood in his path. "Sirius you're going to tell me every single thing that is up with you right now or so help me I'll curse you with every curse I know, and you know I'm faster than you Sirius so don't even think about going for your wand" as I hold out my wand at his chest.

"Don't act as if you know how I feel."

"No Sirius I don't, but I've spent every day since I was nine hated by my older sister who I adored thinking I was a freak. I've spent half of that time worrying about what may happen to her if we never reconciled and half of that thinking pureblood Death Eater nuts would love to go after the sibling of a mudblud, wouldn't they? Just as much as they'd love to pull in a naive little pureblood to do their dirty work so Sirius black so don't talk to me as If I'm some naive idiot who couldn't curse you to oblivion where you stand" I said holding my ground in front of him "the last night I saw you, you said we were friends and friends are there for one another. You've only really had James' company for three weeks you could do with a new ear now go. Talk to me." Sirius seemed shocked but he nodded as we walked through the deserted corridors.

"He's with them, he's not dead I just know it. I think I'll know when he's actually dead you know? I did when my uncle died before I was contacted about the money and I know me and Regulus hadn't talked for a while but me and Regulus were closer than me and Alphard and I knew then, I'll know this time. I think he's helping them and I think my mother doesn't know the full story and he came home one day and that's why they took down his missing posters but for all I know he's under the imperius curse, like you said he's naive and impressionable he'd never be able to fight that curse. Why didn't I just make him come with me!? All he has is our crazy parents and extended family telling them how I was the bad egg! Me? As if I'm the only fucking normal one in the black family, apart from maybe Andromeda, she's a Tonks now, married a muggle born good on her. Were in a little contact now but that doesn't make up for my brother. He could be brilliant he could almost take me at qudditch or in a duel if he tried. How the hell could I let him get messed up in some rubbish like that he's no Death Eater, he's a teenager. Snape's lucky I haven't got him alone to curse the shit out of him until he finally confessed like the little idiot he is that they are both following Voldermort like a pair of idiots!"

We reached the fat lady and said the password and walked in allowing Sirius to calm down a little I followed him to his empty dorm room and sat on the bottom of his bed while he sat flicking his lighter. I didn't know where to start. And I couldn't believe he'd said Voldermort.

"Sirius, he's okay. Think positive and when he realizes his mistake and finally comes back to contact you we'll find Dumbledore and we'll give him every protection against you-know-who and his cronies. I mean we've all put charms on our homes to protect ourselves, I bet Dumbledore could do a Fidelius _Charm and if you were the secret keeper no one would ever get to touch Regulus and once you-know-who is defeated and lifes normal you'll be brothers. You'll carry on looking after him like a big brother should and you'll laugh about the time he had a crazy idea like following you-know-who and he'll laugh about the time you got so drunk you threw up over a muggle girl and showed you your other 'wand', yes James told me. Sirius, it's going to be fine and I'll be here for you every second of the way. For every time you have enough of the idiot that is James Potter and you can't quite talk to Remus or Wormtail, I'll be there, okay Mr Black?" he almost smiled at me as he stared almost unseeingly through my words and I pulled him in to a back breaking hug "come on now Padfoot, everyone likes a happy pranker, ey?"_

_"Thanks, I think flower may become your __much__ needed nickname" I still didn't let go and laughed as I held him in the back breaking hug until a voice interrupted the moment._

_"The first time my girlfriends in my dormitory she's here with my flatmate, something's not right here" and he threw a pillow at our heads. _


	27. Chapter 27

The next few weeks we still had to put up with the anxiety ridden Sirius storming around, smoking and drinking as nothing really mattered anymore. After our chat the other night I knew there was so much more to the situation than a stroppy broken hearted teenager but it was a rather difficult situation to deal with. You-know-who was causing all this discontent with my friends and me, there was nothing more I wanted to do than scream at him almost every single day. James was getting impatient and kept arguing with his still best friend as they dealt with the situation at hand. Remus and Sirius were the worst there arguments were complete lovers tiffs as they screamed at one another when we spent time together and from what James said there was much of the same in their dormitory. Peter simply stayed out of the way and Ruby was spending more time alone with Anton, though we still shared our bed together when we got back every night.

I couldn't get of the fact I was turning eighteen today and now I was of age in both worlds of mine. Of course this was a bigger deal in the muggle world and mum sent me a bottle of her favourite wine, a necklace and scrap book of pictures since I was a baby. She was also taking us to a little family meal when I returned home that weekend. James had been just as sweet as he had been for Christmas I got some more flowers died green again well not all of them but there was a beautiful mix, a book about patronus's as they had become a regular conversation of ours and we sat in our own private feast in the kitchens where James had Blinky prepare us a personal feast. Since James had been in so much trouble recently we decided to eat it down in the kitchen we couldn't afford any trouble found anywhere after hours. Of course we had to sneak back to the common room with James' invisibility cloak quietly but it was fun. Ruby bought me some hair potion which she swore by. The rest of the marauders bought me chocolates. The day had been ever so perfect as I'd lost myself in a separate would than reality which was brought back down crashing around my ears the next day.

"It's just driving me crazy" said James as we sat alone in the corner of the common room"I want to make him happy and I want Regulus to be okay but how can I do it?"

"I don't know, I've been trying to work it out too. Of course he isn't interested in his school work but us and quidditch isn't distracting him as much as I'd hope. I never thought I'd be so worried about Sirius."

"He doesn't even want to explore any more even when Moony, Wormtail and I try to talk him in to it. I can almost not blame Wormtail for staying away from us lately, if he wasn't with Myrtle I'd honestly probably understand completely" James said shooting sparks from his wand.

"James, you've been the best friend Padfoot could ever ask for and you need to remember that" I held his face in my hands as we sat in a chilly corner of the common room "he's living with you for merlins sake, don't blame yourself. I always said you were loyal, from what Remus says you were the most understanding when he told you about his fury little problem and without you merlin knows where you'd be. Remember the good in you Mr James Potter" his arms were around my back as he pulled me in close.

"You are too kind sometimes Lily, you know that" he said and pulled me in to another perfect kiss and all we did was hold one another close our bodies radiating heat as we were so close to each other and forgetting about everyone else in the world.

The work was getting harder and our NEWT'S were drawing closer every single day I had no idea how I could keep my social life, revision and visits home but I loved them all a little too much to give up. I was sat late one night in the common room I was the last there as James had finally gotten bored of watching me study and headed to do a little alone marauder activity somewhere in the school when I heard a commotion coming down from the boys dormitory. It was Remus.

"Remus, what's up?" I said as I'd never seen him look as angry as I could almost see the hint of his werewolf within him and h was shaking "Remus?" I grabbed his wrists and looked him in the eyes. He looked like he wanted to cry and scream all at once.

"Not here" and he dragged me out of the common room and through the school and I had no idea where too. Remus was scaring me, not because he almost looked like he was his werewolf self but because of everything it could be and why he couldn't tell me in a deserted common room as I was literally dragged to the first far he pulled me in to the deserted girls bathroom which was haunted by a ghost called Myrtle. Luckily it was empty.

"He kissed me Lily" he? Who? Sirius? Was all I could think why was Remus stropping like a crazy person "he wants to vent his anger and he chose me" oh okay that's why.

"How do you know that?"

"I know my best friend. I know the guy I had a crush on" okay now was no time to be smug.

"So tell me what happened?"

"He was talking about his brother he was smoking and you know how crazy it drives me it's like having a holey caldron you know and the smell may as well be dung bombs to me. Well I was shouting at him for that and he said shut up of course I didn't drop it as that irritatingly annoy smell lingered over the dormitory as he got on to the foot of my bed and blew it in my face before he leant in for a kiss. Who the hell leans in for a kiss after that!? Okay at first I kissed him back and um yeah" he blushed hard, basically it was perfect nothing like him and Bethan was what he was thinking of course "uh I pulled back and pushed him away and said what the hell and he said I know you wanted it. And I, well maybe I had considered it but I um no, not like that when he was in a famous strop blowing smoke at me what the hell is wrong with that boy. He doesn't give a shit about me like that so why should I let him use me in his fun and games?"

"Remus, Sirius loves you. He definitely loves you as a friend and I've been convinced for the past two years or so that it's more than that, don't be so sure. Okay he went about it the wrong way but when has Sirius done the right thing in a relationship? Though I really think that's due to some hidden feelings for-a-certain-someone-who's-not-quite-ready-to-com e-out-either."

"You knew?"

"I suspected."

"Why didn't you say?"

"Really Remus? If this hadn't happened, would you have told me anytime soon? Even if I'd asked you? It didn't feel right to push you, it was the same as when I worked out you were a werewolf, and you had to trust me."

"I've always trusted you Lily" I nodded.

"I know you and Ruby are my oldest friends and I'd trust you with my life. Now back to the point. Do you really think Sirius doesn't give a shit about you?" he shook his head pulling at his hair in a slightly crazy sense.

"How am I meant to know what he feels? I don't even know what I feel. I know he cares about me as a friend but it never occurred to me he could even be gay let alone fancy me."

"What if, no listen" as James went to interrupt me "What if he feels the same? In this whole thing with Regulus it's pretty clear Sirius isn't the straight forward idiot he's makes out to be."

"True but still..."

"Remus, work out your own feelings, work out your sexuality then work out where Sirius fits in to all of that" I said to him.

"I'm not ready to tell."

"Then I'll keep this a secret as long as you promise to think about how you feel and make sure you don't hurt Sirius."

I held Remus in my arms and pulled him in tightly to a hug while we sat in the girl's bathroom alone.

"Why do you know everything Lily?" we laughed as I squeezed him.

"I know everything's going to be alright, trust me, I know everything" I grinned at the sad looking Remus as we spoke to one another.

"If you know everything, how the hell didn't you see you and Prongs together ey?" said the overly smug Remus.

"Don't be cocky or I'll curse you. You'll be fine and whatever happens, you'll _always_ have me" I said and squeezed him again.


	28. Chapter 28

James and I spent our valentines in Hogsmead and he actually allowed Sirius to take a half full quidditch team training so we could go and Sirius could be distracted. It was ever so romantic even for me who hated snogging couples everywhere in public it was just perfect he held my hand in his the whole time and we talked about everything that had ever happened between us in seven years. Of course the couples were not exactly great fun to be around and as we sat in Madam puddifoot's cafe drinking coffee I let out a rather undignified snorted in to my drink as he teased a certain Slytherin pair who did look like they could and would eat one another. As we spent the full day together in the moderate temperature around the village hand in hand as the loved up world passed us by. Of course James thought today appropriate to day for everything and bought me a single rose which was beautiful.

The next few weeks blended in to one with one petty argument between Sirius and one of us with an almost neglectful presence of Wormtail. James was turning eighteen now and it may not of been a big deal to someone who'd be raised a wizard but it was to me. I also had to make up for the Christmas gifts and valentines card which wouldn't have even crossed my mind. I bought him a ridiculous amount of sweets and food for him including some muggle treats he'd grown partial too I also bought him a book full of many wizard pictures showing his favourite team, puddlemore united, flying around the page. Of course James ended up a little worse for wear and throwing up in to his dorm bin but he had a good time and that was all that mattered to me. Sirius was in a similar state and threw himself on Remus again of course Remus took this as an insult again, idiots.

The remaining few weeks up to Easter was just as busy as I expected. I didn't stop working for a minute apart from trying to make Remus feel better and spend stolen moments with James. Remus and Sirius were no closer together than they had been before and Sirius' dismissive behaviour over the subject Remus wasn't even close to coming out. Of course I wasn't a hundred per cent sure he was gay but the sexual tension between those too idiots was clear and now they weren't talking it was simply unbearable to be in the same room as them as I often had to be. It was lucky Ruby and I were still sharing a bed as it was the only single time we really got together that wasn't studying until after hours. For the first time I was truly glad my friends and I took almost all the same subjects as it gave us the excuse to study together as we were too busy for anything else. Being seventh years meant we were able to get our favourite tree and sometimes we were even privileged to Peter's company and you'd even see Sirius revising although he barley put his cigarettes down.

We were almost leaving for Easter and although I knew the weeks would be spent working but I couldn't wait to see my mum for more than three days. What I was really looking forward too was introducing her to James, of course she'd met him before but now he was my boyfriend and I was going to meet his too. I was glad to be going home the stress had finally hit me and I'd had to pull myself together from crying in the prefect bathroom while alone and no one could see. Of course the stress wasn't simply exams I was missing my dad so much lately I loved owling my mum but his replies were always the funny one which even cheered me up while I was studying for my OWL's. I really think the Easter break was a needed one as the same company and the same books was starting to drive me crazy.

Home was lovely mum spent hours cooking like she used to and we even had a few visits off Tuney alone and I didn't curse her. This is a particular achievement as I was still getting used to my free reign of magic and she did deserve more than a few curses thrown at her when she looked down her snobby nose at my new clothes. Then it came for James to visit. I was so nervous and excited all at once I couldn't quite wait for it. I heard the crack of apparition from my garden and I knew he was here. We'd be boyfriend and girlfriend for the past three months and this was a moment of true for us. I ran rather undignified in to the garden managing to trip and fall on to him when he caught me from landing flat on my face.

"Hello" he said laughing at my clumsily welcome.

"Hello James, come in before Lily manages too nock you on the floor" said my mother from inside the kitchen "I hope you like lasagne James."

"Sounds lovely Mrs. Evans."

"Come sit down" she said as we joined each other around the table.

"How's your studies going James?"

"I'm struggling Mrs. Evans, Lily's helped me revise quite a bit luckily"

"I bet your parents were proud of you making head boy?"

"They are, it was a surprise to everyone"

We sat together and chatted mainly about Hogwarts which my mother found so interesting and James could talk about so easily. He also taught her a little about quidditch as its safe to say my mother never heard about with my disinterest in the sport. They were laughing until late at night as mum pulled out the scrap book she'd made me for my birthday which gave James a laugh at least. James ended up apperating at eleven and the following morning we took a trip to Ruby's again.

I was so glad they could include my mother as we spent the day in their large home eating and laughing with one another. Anton had gone before we got there and her parents approved of him a lot more than Sirius Black. Luke was telling us all about his first year magic and how it wasn't fair how Ruby could do magic in their home and he couldn't. Of course I didn't find it appropriate to find out who did the magic just where it came from as I'm sure Luke would make the most of that magical oversight. I was particularly happy with this as Ruby and I had been struggling to make enough time for one another with exams and boyfriends but now we were able to spend hours sat together chatting.

We travelled home for a night and the next morning I took mum to Tuneys house and apperated too the Potter mansion. Yes the Potter mansion. I didn't know they had a mansion until I was outside looking up at the huge mansion.

"Lily" said James as we stopped at the gates in to the mansion and he opened them as we walked through the grounds to his large doors.

"Hello, Miss Evans" said a waiting Mr Potter "my wife's made us some casserole and we have some pumpkin juice which we hear your partial too."

"It's Lily Mr Potter, that sounds lovely" I had a feeling James was happy I was there, sure, but his parents were less active than he may like and here they both were getting ready to share a dinner.

"Lily darling, Sirius is out so it's just four of us tonight" she said Mrs Potter didn't look very similar to James where as his father could be his very much older twin. The main difference was his grey instead of brown hair but it was still messy like James' and he had darker eyes than James and his mother had hazel showing his resemblance to her son. They were ever so kind and were so nice to talk to as we sat together around their large dining room table with just the four of us on the twelve seated tables. The meal was lovely and they went to bed at about nine James and I sat together in the dining room holding hands. He gave me a guided tour of the large home and it was lovely it was extravagant but not trashy and most of their things seemed to be family heirlooms and not simple wastes of their money. Of course the house was large and full but James was not showing off as he took me around the many rooms of the mansion. We sat in his bedroom together on the chaise lounge at the foot of his bed.

"When you finish school would you like to live here?"

"I think I'd like to keep it I mean its part of my family but I'd like to have a new home when I have a family."

"Have you ever thought of where?"

"Not really, sometimes I think I'd like to live in a muggle community and others in a completely magical community" he said and I considered his point, I had no idea where I'd like to move once I'd left Hogwarts or even if I was ready to leave my mother. We fell in to another full embraced kiss as we sat in the dark cold night. In came Sirius

"Oi, enough of this nonsense, lovers"

"Hey Padfood. Where have you been?"

"Well Evans I've been with Moony"

"Good day?"

"Best in a while" he smiled as he sat on James bed and didn't pull out his lighter for the first time in a while "better be out Friday Evans" he said as he lounged over the bed "we've actually managed to get Wormtail to come, the old git"

"I don't know if I trust your driving Sirius" we'd all organised to go out together in James' parents magically expanded car as an end of our Easter holiday treat." I best be off, I think mum will be waiting for me. Bye James" I kissed him "bye Padfoot" and James walked me downstairs to where I could apparte home. And there was my mum crying over my dad again and all I could do was hold her as she brought me back to tears. Greif is not an easy process and with it being different to one another it had been a while since I'd sat crying in to the late hours but here I was bringing back every memory of the first few weeks. I was almost glad to see my mother like this, I realise she hadn't become completely numb she still felt even if it was bed. I always knew I'd always be there for my poor mother as we learnt how to live in our new family.


	29. Chapter 29

"Flower!" Shouted a happy Sirius as I walked up the Potter mansion drive "get in" he told me as I walked over to the magically Cadillac Seville which was a famous expensive muggle car which I knew Vernon was saving up for the convertible version of the car. I would love for him to see me in the car with my friends, no Lily, be nice but imagine his beefy face. The car was obviously not the plain muggle car it was magically expanded to fit six instead of five. Sirius was already sat in the car driving seat and Remus in the other front seat. James was alone in the back seat as I got in to join them.

"What's the plan?"

"Were thinking the beach, have you ever heard of the beach me and James go to in Bournemouth?"

"He's mentioned it"

"There. It's maybe an hour drive with this beauty"

"If the others hurry up that is" moaned Remus. We'd barley been in the car five minuets' and I caught Sirius staring at Remus who was gazing out the window looking for our late friends. James pulled my chin away from my distraction and I somehow ended up on his lap kissing when Ruby came in to join us.

"Put her down boy!" she said grinning.

"Rubes, your hair!" Ruby now had bright red hair and it really suited her damn it. Everything suited Ruby!

I was still on James' lap as the wizard wireless played and Ruby talked as usual it was already perfect as Peter finally joined us and as Remus and Sirius fought over radio stations, muggle and wizard, we all sang. As it fell on queen – somebody to love as the others sang me and James ended up close to one another gazing in to each other's eyes as his arms embraced me. I looked in to his beautiful brown eyes as he smiled at me we were nose to nose and even now James looked lovely even so close and as I got lost in those eyes I realised I was in love with him. Of course I wasn't going to say this in a car full of people as I sat on his lap and we kissed tenderly but passionately as we giggled together blocking out our friends around us. I knew I was in love with each other as we sat like that and I could picture us together forever. I imagined James looking old with grey messy hair and our grand children running around our house. I and James may have been together for about four months but James and I had known each other for ever so long and been on dates for the past six months or so and things were perfect between us as I imagined our future. It may seem quick to know I was in love and picture our future but it was different for us as we held one another he was all I could see. And the picture of his topless body popped in my head as we sat together and I wanted him like that for the first time and our kisses were continued as I sat on his bony knees. I can't believe that James and I hadn't argued since well before we started dating, wow. I couldn't have been happier Ruby poked me in the back.

"Oi, this is meant to be a day with friends, get off each other" I kissed James and sat in the park bench sized back seat and kept holding his hand and grabbed Ruby's. As I sat listening to the bad singing, petty arguments, general chatter and the warmth I felt from two of my favourite most people's hands as I held them close I realized nothing else mattered. We were there, we were together and we were happy. I knew these four people were my life, as good as my family and I knew I'd do anything for and this road trip would be one we'd always remember. As we chose the muggle transport to get to the beach a fair distance away as we had no trouble in the world.

The drive was quite quick as we sat together Peter was abused slightly for his Slytherin girlfriend as we chatted. Everyone had an eventful Easter and it was the perfect relief from my constant revision at home. Of course James and I was the butt of almost every joke as we sat hand in hand in the car full of my best friends. The sun was shining and we had a picnic full of muggle and wizard treats in the boot of the car. It was funny to listen to the best friends confused about their feelings argue over directions.

"Where here" and I looked down from the car park in to the quite beach and pulled ourselves down the steps with the picnic and found ourselves a large spot.

We broke open the food and shared out all the sweets, sandwiches and who knows what we all ate that day. Ruby and I lay in our bikini trying to catch a tan on my fair skin was pointless but it was such a nice place to sunbathe. The boys then decided to try jumping off rocks in to the sea and we all joined in as they went for the highest rocks and places we could find as it got darker around the beach. Of course this called for a magic bonfire that didn't give off too much light to stop us getting in trouble but kept us warm as we drank a mix of muggle and wizarding alcohol as we considered camping on the now deserted beach. So we did conjuring a tent and extra comfy sleeping bags as we chatted till all hours.

James and I ended up a little further away from our friends in the sun set as we held hands and kept one another warm. Sirius was already passed out in the tent from alcohol so we weren't exactly missing much. As I gazed in to his eyes and saw the sun set in the background of the beautiful occasion. We may not have said it but we were both in love as we held each other.

It may have been a bit sooner than I would have liked to say it but I did love him. It was ever so amazing to hear him say those words to me as we sat in one another's arms under the sun set. It was perfect and we ended up cuddling in sleeping bags next to one another.

We made ourselves a little fry up breakfast the next morning as we prepared to take the return journey as we had to return to Hogwarts the next morning. I dreaded the return to the castle as all it could mean was more work than I'd ever done before. The exams were drawing nearer this term and it meant so much to me to do as well as I could no matter what the sacrifice.


	30. Chapter 30

Hogwarts was such a beautiful castle and as I spent my last few months ever in the school I was tempted in to more exploring than I thought possible. I blame Ruby and James as they were determined for me to join in. We use the passages they'd found and one night we ended up in the forbidden forest and saw a unicorn! This impressed the marauders greatly as apparently they'd been looking to find one in the wild since about second year, clearly they didn't listen enough as unicorns are scared of men. Well I can't really call these idiots men, boys. I spent every free minuet wanting to find every secret that I could. Of course I'm sure I hadn't found everything the castle was too large and magical for every secret to be found by any students.

"Quick!" whispered Sirius as he pulled us around the filth floor hiding from Filch on our late night adventure when he was slowly catching up. Peter was lagging behind and we couldn't afford to get caught on our late night exploring of some of the abandoned castle and maybe trying to steal their map back from his office. Of course we were interrupted by his cat Mrs Norris and we ran out quickly and started to run through the corridor but we are so far from our Gryffindor common room we didn't know where to go. We were running as we didn't have a better option as our heart beat in our ears and wished for somewhere to hide, it could be anything a broom cupboard big enough for six for all I care. Then a door appeared. What? I've never seen a door there before as we opened the door into the small room full of brooms, luckily as we pulled Peter in at the last second. None of us were quite sure what had happened but we were to glad to be safe to care. It was a tight fit for the six of us but we were happy to be here and out of trouble, head boy, head girl and prefect getting caught running around the school at two am would not go down too well. Of course we had James' cloak but it could hardly cover two people let alone six.

"Does someone fancy telling me where the hell are we?" asked Ruby. Rather a modest question as we were now in a magic room I'd never even heard of it was quite a strange situation to be in and I honestly had no idea and the silence seemed to confirm I wasn't the only one wondering what this wonderful room was. Okay I wished for a broom cupboard big enough for six but who ever heard of wishes coming true? Our bodies were close together and touching as we stood in the small cluttered room next to one another. When could we leave?

Finally we left the room and walked quietly to the common room as I held James hands as we walked back to the common room. Who would have guessed he'd have this influence on me! This is not good. As we finally got back to the common room chatting to one another trying to work out where the hell we had just ended up and why none of us knew of it before. There was no definite answer as we all almost fell asleep on our feet and we all headed to bed.

The exams were almost over and it was tedious to say the least writing in exam after exam in the great hall full of students. This and practical exams were slowly going to drive me crazy. If it wasn't for my trips home and late night exploring I actually think I'd be rather insane by now. Okay I may be rather insane right now with everything running through my head. I was terrified of failing, I was still terrified of my mother being alone, I was terrified of anything happening to my family or friends and I was terrified of any news on Regulus. One of the best parts of the exams was Sirius was now putting work in for his exams and he may be an idiot and still be smoking but he was more bearable.

When the exams were finally done the seven of us sat under our favourite tree yet again everyone else was drinking mulled mead from bottles of butterbeer. Of course I was encouraged to join in and before the alcohol really affected either one of them and before Sirius started smoking Sirius asked Remus to go for a walk together alone. The five of us were left on the floor; Peter was left as a fifth wheel.

"Wormtail, you should ask Myrtle to spend time with us for a change. If your dating her I'm sure she's a nice Slytherin" I said doubting it but still.

"She doesn't like Gryffindors"

"Well James doesn't like Slytherins but I'm sure he'd like to meet her if she's important to you"

"She doesn't want to meet you"

"Okay Wormtail, as long as your happy" I glared at James who looked ready to throw a curse at the irritatingly vague Peter as he barley spoke to us.

"How was your last exam Wormtail?"

"It was okay, it was muggle studies I basically had to explain why they used electricity. Lily explained that to me when we were younger. I think it's the exam I've done best in"

"Nice all to be over" I said as we chatted under the warm sun. We were actually leaving the school and we had another month or so until we had to wait for results. It could be a perfect summer but I couldn't deal with the prospect of leaving my home forever as Hogwarts had been as much a home as my real home. The castle held such memories of the first time I was allowed to do magic, to the first time Snape and I went for a walk through the grounds while he still teaching me all about the wizard world and I still missed him, my first rather clumsy kiss with Amos, my first night in my dormitory, my first butterbeer, my first amazingly-perfect kiss with James, this moment now and every single moment in between. It broke my heart to know this would probably be my last night in the beautiful castle.

Merlin, I love magic. I don't think I could have asked for a better schooling experience where I finished at head girl with five best friends, a brilliant boyfriend. I had in the most stunning castle. I had an amazing relationship with many of my professors including my brilliant head master. I had no idea what was coming next but I was looking forward to the future.


End file.
